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Once Upon a Time I lived as The Queen of Quit

The Queen of quit used to be my name. I love the title as it describes me so well at various times of my life. I lived as a Queen in charge over a kingdom full of excuses.

My life revolved around mastering the art of quitting by using these excuses!

You could say that my mastery of learning to quit began at school when I was very young. I did not have the ability to speak the English language. This meant that when I started going to school I was unable to communicate with other kids or with the teachers. It was a very difficult time for me. Obviously young school aged kids would have wondered what was wrong with me at my lack of talking. I suppose they tried to get something out of me by teasing me? The location of the school was in a convenient place only a small walk across a field from home. There were several occasions in which I decided that being at school was just too hard so I escaped and ran to my safe haven! School scared me on most days as I was confronted by kids that I could not understand, however, I knew when they were making fun of me. My mum was met with much resistance from me on those days when she walked me back to school.

Eventually I picked up on the language and was able to manage better at school, however I still hated school. School made me feel uncomfortable. I would have preferred to just stay at home where it felt safer. School requires you to participate in activities such as sport or musicals. Occasionally one would be asked to stand up in front of the class and talk. Anything that required me to come out of hiding put me on edge. Anxiety and worry was my middle name. I feared being singled out and having the possibility of being made fun of again. This ensured that my choice in activities was always very limited and safe.

In the midst of the hiding I longed and ached to live freely. Like most kids I had dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up. These dreams shifted between being a famous roller skater to a dancer.  I loved dancing in the backyard of our family home. Looking back on those days perhaps those dreams shared a common theme. A theme of expressing oneself freely!

Once I moved into adulthood the art of quitting continued. It surprises me to this day how I didn’t get sacked from job positions when I consider how many days off I took! If I woke up in the wrong mood or felt unable to go to work then I would call in sick. Living by my feelings was also another hindrance.

Then I got married! There is probably hundreds of blogs I could write about marriage. Marrying someone guarantees change, especially when the person you marry is of an opposite personality to yourself. Not only is my husband the complete opposite of me, he too had a lot of emotional baggage. Our marriage was a war zone for the first year. We clashed so much. If ever there was an opportunity to quit it would have been then. However, something in both of us kept us going and we have been walking and working through issues for years.

Having a baby began to change the lack of discipline that I had. A bad mood was no longer an excuse as there was no option but to get up and look after the baby.  Babies tend to get your attention and they most certainly will not quit until you meet their need. Please note that I am not saying to go and have babies to solve a discipline problem 🙂 it just so happens that getting married and having children began to move me into action. All in all I have had five amazing children.

Resistance in life is familiar to me. If it wasn’t the resistance that I felt about myself then it was the resistance of circumstances that have tried me to the maximum. There are too many stories to share on this particular blog to give you an understanding of some of the trials that life has bought my way. Let’s just say having walked through those trials has made me a stronger person. My circumstances may not be as ideal as I would have hoped for yet persistence has taken over where quitting used to live.

Quitting always sounds like a good option when faced with resistance. The trouble is when you quit you are giving up on the future that is waiting for you. Your future purpose may take longer than you expect yet it will happen at the right time. It has taken me years to grow and become determined to resist the urge to quit.

Never would I have dreamed that it could be possible for me to undertake studying for a bachelor in psychology. My grades in school were very average and in some subjects below average. University was not even a consideration! Having completed 9 units out of 24 with good grades has changed my perspective. Sometimes you need to succeed in something so that you can turn your thinking from failure to success. What is the worst that can happen if something doesn’t go to plan? If you never give it a shot you have no idea what you are capable of!

We are not always met with success however it is only in hardship we grow the most. Your character is built during the hard times. It is that character that will keep you grounded when the good times arrive.

I had a name change and now live as  the  Queen of Persistence!!!!

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Be Beautiful

No doubt many of you have heard the saying “beauty is more than skin deep”.  So what does beauty look like beyond the skin that covers us all?

For those of you that have read my earlier blog posts you would be familiar with my journey of struggling with low self-esteem. In my struggle I was always consumed with how I looked and how others viewed me. If my hair did not look perfect it would ruin my whole entire day!!! Not Kidding!!! There was no peace in my heart only anguish and pain.

The truth is the average female is never going to compete with a photo shopped super model on a magazine cover.

As an audience we are presented with the magazine cover while having no clue  to the many hours of hard work it took for that one perfect shot!

The movies, magazines and t.v. portray “The Beautiful Woman” as someone who is physically attractive.  They are equipped with the perfect teeth, hair, figure, clothes and lifestyle. “The Beautiful Woman” is depicted as someone that walks into a room causing chaos amongst a mesmerised crowd gazing at this amazing flawless female specimen. Imagine for a moment if thought bubbles were visible displaying individual’s thoughts as this beautiful woman walked into the room. The thoughts could read something like this:

“Who is that incredibly good looking woman?”

 “Oh I hope my husband isn’t looking at her, if he does, he is going to cop it when we get home”

“Oops I better not look too long or everyone else will notice that I am looking”

“There goes my effort at looking good tonight”

 

In a scenario such as the one I have described, the focus tends to be on the looks of that beautiful woman. Is anyone interested in wanting to know about her as a person? As in whom she really is on the inside? Her journey in life the struggles and triumphs!

Most people would get stuck at that point and not know how to go beyond those amazing looks to get to know her as a person. After all, this beautiful woman is a human just like everyone else.

What about if someone in the crowd decided they were going to approach this beautiful woman to get to know her? A brave person decides to have a conversation and they find out that while she is stunning in the looks department there is something about her attitude that is ugly suddenly shifting the focus off the looks to her as a person.  The ugliness takes over at that point! She still has the good looks however the brave person realises that she is not someone they want to associate with.

On the other hand imagine this beautiful woman having a beautiful heart!

A beautiful heart goes a long way. As females we can get so consumed with trying to look good on the outside forgetting about how we present ourselves as a person.  We make choices every day about how we are going to react in situations. We can be self-centred or others focused. We can be stingy or generous with our money and time. We can be rude or polite. We can ignore how our behaviour may affect others or we can choose to think before we speak or act. We can be unforgiving and resentful or we can choose to forgive anyway!

A person will always be remembered for how they make others feel not so much about how good looking they were. As you grow older your looks change year after year. Now that I am older and travelling through this midlife season in life I am noticing that it is more important to keep my heart right. Midlife can be such a challenging season so it is worth investing into “being beautiful” earlier rather than later.

In no way am I saying to ignore your looks and just let it all go! I am saying to “Be Beautiful” as a person. When faced with situations think about how you will respond?

People will want to hang around you when you are “being a beautiful” person.

True and lasting beauty starts and continues from the inside out!