Have you ever met someone for the first time and suddenly they announce that you’ve been cut from the same mold. Immediately this tells you the person knows someone significant in your family whether it be a parent or a sibling. Families share the same genes and as they grow up together they develop similar habits and patterns of behaviour and communication. This sets families apart from others; it gives you a sense of belonging and branding.
There comes a time in families where the children grow up and begin to take their own journey discovering who they are on their own two feet. Deciding for themselves what they will adapt as part of their own family. Incorporating values and beliefs with another set of values and beliefs of their partner.
It is wonderful to appreciate our heritage and where we come from as a person. It provides us with our own uniqueness in a world that doesn’t always appreciate the differences in people.
How about the molds people throw us into?
As parents we may place expectations onto our children leaving them to feel suffocated and restricted. We may instil our vision of the future and make it a mission to persuade them to believe it is their path.
We think we know best!
The child may feel unable to wander into a direction that is not in line with what you as the parent have been dreaming of. Of course as parents we have every good intention for our children. We want what is best for them. We ourselves have traveled through life making mistakes hoping to prevent those same mistakes from being repeated.
Perhaps you are your own worst enemy?
We don’t always need people to place restrictions upon us. We can quite easily manage that for ourselves when we keep holding onto the things that didn’t work out. Our failures can keep us believing we will always fail. Our disappointments and hurts keep us stuck in the same place perhaps for years.
We are after all creatures of habit? Settling all too easily into patterns of thinking and behaving which keep us comfortable. We all like comfort. That place of familiarity and comfort can be dangerous. Especially if it involves a relationship with someone who repeatedly breaks you down until you turn into a person you were never intended to be!
If it isn’t enough to deal with our own negatives voices in our head we often have other people’s voices guiding our next move. If you have ever been in a long term relationship with someone who causes you emotional harm and has managed to manipulate your life you would be familiar with what I am talking about. It’s quite frightening to stand on your own two feet breaking out of the mold of manipulation. Your own sense of knowing has been lost along the way, as you’ve been made to feel like you don’t know what you are doing. The ocean of doubts can be deafening.
Now that I am six months into this journey of single mum no longer in a damaging marriage relationship I’m discovering on a regular basis all of the restrictions that have kept me from being myself. At times it may feel like you’re never going to relax and have the freedom of knowing who you truly are. It takes tonnes of courage to do things you may have never done before for fear of it not working. Almost like an animal that has been locked up in a cage for years and when set free the animal chooses to go back in the cage as it feels comfortable and safe.
This is precisely why unhealthy relationships can be so damaging to a person. It isn’t something to joke about or make light of as it is so much more serious than one can ever imagine. It is very difficult for a person who has been so broken to bounce back again, as they have to fight through every imaginable lie and fear to get to the other side of where freedom is waiting for them. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve had to battle with all sorts of thoughts and fears.
I can however encourage you by saying that as you just keep moving through each fear one by one they start to lose power. Yes it is frightening! Yes it is very uncomfortable! And YES it may or may not work out as there are never any guarantees in life. Yet you have the choice to risk it and step out of that place of doubt and failure testing the waters for something opposite to what you have ever experienced.
We often believe we deserve the same as what we have always had. It gives us an excuse to stay the same and keep holding onto our fears. Until we decide to do things afraid we will stay where we are and never move forward. As much as I could so easily settle and remain the same in my comfort zone I know it will continue restricting me. I may still carry hurt that needs healing however I’ve discovered that the more I choose to break out of the mold of manipulation and emotional hurt from my previous long term relationship the more I am experiencing healing.
If I choose to stay where I am perhaps the healing will have no opportunity to present itself?
What does healing look like?
Well for me healing is noticeable as I become aware that I am smiling a lot more often rather than feeling anxious and stressed out. I’m learning to trust people and myself again. All those dreams in my life that got squashed for some time are slowly bubbling to the surface reminding me that there is still hope to fulfill the purpose I was created for. Confidence is returning, confidence in my choices and decisions.
In times past I would have lost momentum and motivation in a heartbeat as my life circumstance taught me that while something might be going well for a week it won’t last as drama is only around the corner. It was a constant cycle of ups and down’s. I could have sat in a field of flowers picking petals one by one repeating the phrase “life is normal, no it’s not, life is normal, not it’s not”…..
What’s trying to break you?