Posted in Healing Process

The Gift of Time …

Whether you wear a wrist watch or have several clocks around the house or better still carry your mobile phone on you at all times, you will have noticed that time doesn’t stop for anyone. Even if we were to turn off our clocks we don’t possess the power to turn off time….

Time began the minute the world existed.

From the moment you were born into this world you had in common with every other person “TIME”.

By now most of us are already shaking our heads at how fast 2017 has taken off! It is approaching the end of February.

Traveling through 2016 felt as though it were on slow speed like a bad internet connection. So much pain and heart break filled the last half of that year for me and my kids. On so many occasions it truly felt like life was being incredibly unkind and cruel.

When you hurt it is only normal to feel that way.

Is it true that TIME heals all wounds?

I obviously can’t speak for everyone however I can speak for myself… Last year felt as though time for me was an enemy I was fighting.

I felt sad, angry and hurt for much of the last part of 2016.

It has taken everything for me to keep my head up and continue moving forward,

as what other choice do you have in these situations.

When life turns upside down and you are left with nothing (financially speaking) you must start again. No amount of time analysing the WHY’s of how unfair it was being left with nothing was going to help me.

My journey began in the Centrelink office asking for financial assistance as a single mum. They were surprisingly helpful on that first day I walked in empty on all levels. As helpful as they have been the money is only just enough to get by. There is no shopping till your dropping!

I’ve had to be very patient in terms of getting everything that I need. My family and friends have all been there in so many wonderful ways providing furniture to fridges in order for me to start again. My heart is filled with gratitude every time I think about what has been given to me.

Six and a half months have since passed from the first moment I drove myself back into Canberra not comprehending what had just happened to my life. Despite the ups and downs it has been TIME which has been consistent throughout.

In this New Year TIME has been moving me forward in various positive ways. Determination and patience has now provided me with a job. The location and hours are so ideal that it is as though someone tailored the job perfectly for me. While it is only a 3 month contract there is the hope that it gets extended.

Life is looking up!!!

The TIME which has filled up the past few months has been a gift of progressive healing. All of the vulnerabilities and pain have been turning into confidence and happiness. Time itself has shown me the deep cracks that were in my life, the ones I wasn’t aware of.

I was broken in my marriage.

Anything broken is vulnerable and weak.

I was weak!

Time is giving me the opportunity of becoming whole again. As I see more clearly how impacted I  was in the situation I was stuck in for so long, it has helped me to recognise that while I am not perfect, no one deserves to be treated as rubbish.

Time has a way of showing the truth! When you are in the middle of messes it can be hard to get clarity. Having been away from the mess has shown me the difference of abnormal living to normal living. The best word to describe abnormal living would be the word “toxic”.

I’ve had TIME to begin figuring out who I am all over again.

The real me!

The real me was always pushed down and treated with very little value and respect. There may have been occasions in which the ‘real me’ made an appearance yet it was always short lived.

Let TIME be your friend.

If you’re a young person looking to get married take all the TIME you need to make sure you are choosing someone who is going to treat you with respect and value. Don’t be in such a rush that you ignore the most important parts which keep a relationship healthy and most importantly is healthy for YOU.

Whether a relationship was not all that bad or a relationship was toxic there is still a process to journey through once there is a break up.

This week I’ve experienced the raw emotions returning on a few occasions with deep cries that were hard to stop.

It took me by surprise!

One may think that the worst is over however the emotions and heart are in need of time to grieve and heal. While our routines are changed and we no longer live with that person our emotions and heart are still the same. There are no quick 5 minute microwave fixes in restoring those wounds.

As frustrating as time can be depending upon the situation you find yourself in, time itself can be an enemy or a friend.

We need to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff!

Break ups often appear to happen instantly yet it takes a lot of time to get to that point. In much the same way we can expect a lot of time in order to recover from the break up.

I’ve yet to discover whether there is ever a full and complete healing. Does one ever truly get over a broken marriage 100%?

Life can Hurt so I’m keeping it Real…..

Continue reading “The Gift of Time …”

Posted in opposition

The need to Escape (hide or run)

Every now and then the need to escape life’s challenges can have us digging deep trenches for disappearing or may provide us with speedy athletic legs to help us make a run for it. Challenges often create powerful emotions which are often difficult to handle so we go searching for an escape method. To escape from powerful emotions we may be tempted to stuff our faces with chocolate, cake and cookies while we hide in our homemade trench.  The trench happens to be opposite the t.v. which plays our favourite movies over and over again filled with fake storylines providing temporary relief from our own reality.

When I was just a young kindergartener I remember walking into the classroom on my very first day of school unable to understand the English language as I had been bought up speaking Finnish. It was overwhelming to be amongst an army of kids that I could not understand nor communicate with. The moment the challenge of the language barrier became too overwhelming I made a run for it out of the school grounds all the way back home. The school was conveniently within a good walking distance of our family home.  I escaped school on many occasions!!!

It is never easy when circumstances are opposing. Even as an adult you can’t help but wonder whether you have been put on ‘Santa’s naughty list’ for the whole entire year.

The mind can begin believing that since bad things are happening I must be a bad person.

That theory gets thrown out the window as soon as you take a good hard look at yourself and recognise that despite your imperfections in general you are not a bad person, therefore why all these difficult scenarios?

So it seems that opposition or challenges happen to good people and bad people. No person is safe from life’s incredible challenges. Everyone is going to have a trying time at some stage.

Opposition is resistance.

It may be a person in your life who is opposing you! Stopping you from moving forward, they may be in such an advantageous position that the obstacles they are throwing on your path have a major effect on your life. It’s often baffling as to how a person can have so much time and energy into making life difficult.

We may sense the resistance circumstantially. It could be the challenge of trying to find a job, which is one of my current challenges.  After applying for jobs left, right and centre you start feeling as though the world has gone silent on you. All you want is an employer’s attention and time so as you have the possibility of getting employment.

Once you are dealing with unforgiving resistance in your circumstances whether it is with employment or with people the resistance often snowballs.

For me it snowballs into my thinking!

Then I am coming against resistance in my mind. The doubts start playing space invaders with a galaxy full of fears. The mind becomes another battle ground. All of the possible reasoning’s I come up with for why life is being so difficult is enough to provide material to write a script for a new movie.

When opposition or resistance is at its best circumstantially or in our minds the need to escape fragile emotions triggers all sorts of reactions.

For myself it shows up in eating sugary treats to becoming so overwhelmed within myself that I struggle to make the most of my day. The day sort of turns into a dud like a blank bullet, the shell exists yet there is no power in it.

Resistance builds strength!

Personally resistance is not my best friend. If I can avoid it, I will. However, it seems there are times in which resistance is unavoidable. Most of us have heard the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”!!! As much as I am aware that hard times do make you stronger it doesn’t make it any easier getting through it.

I may not react as much to this current circumstance as I would have years ago yet it doesn’t make it less painful.

As a first time single mum the resistance is felt that much more. When in a marriage or relationship any resistance can be split between the two of you. It gives you that extra support to make it. I’m learning how much more I need to grow in strength as this new life of mine has changed my responsibilities as it is up to me to get things accomplished!

On certain days I just escape into my bedroom, my safe haven…. Just long enough to give those emotions permission to feel. A good cry never killed anyone. If you need to cry then cry, why try and push it down and pretend that you are OK when you know that you are not.

The good news is that powerful emotions are not turned on permanently! Opposition and resistance might continue to be present for some time yet the negative affect it has on you wears out over time compared to how strong it is in the beginning. Which fits in nicely with the saying: “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

We do grow stronger with resistance…

The way that I would have responded to challenges as a young person is quite different to how I respond now. I have grown stronger over time. I overcame the language barrier and kept going to school until I finished. I had other challenges that took over once I could speak the language.

As we venture through life it helps to look back long enough to remember the challenges you have already overcome! You made it and you are still breathing….

This past six months for those of you who have followed my journey would have gotten a tiny picture of the challenges I have been faced with, perhaps you can also relate them to your challenges. I’m looking forward to the day I can write about these challenges turning into triumphs!

It will come, I know it….

Be inspired and most of all remember to keep SMILING 😀