ive grown up and refuse to be put in a box.
The best part about growing old is the freedom you feel in finally being your true self. We grow up battered and bruised by all sorts of situations moulding ourselves to fit other peoples expectations. How we mould ourselves tends to suit others. We become what they think we are, what they want us to be and wonder why we are not truly happy.
IF anything the biggest challenge for me has been having a voice. I’ve grown up all my life pleasing people, keeping people from getting angry, maintaining calm and peace to avoid conflict as I would most always be the loser. This meant that I just shut up and put up with whatever was dished out to me to avoid drama or rejection. This is something that was ingrained into the depths of my behaviour and belief system from a very long time ago. I learnt to be quiet, say nothing, don’t cause waves, no one really wants to know what you have to say, who do you think you are to have an opinion, a valid feeling OR any thought of your own for that matter.
Who do you think you are that you can speak your mind, your hurts, your pain, your disappointment, your anything???
NO doubt starting school unable to speak English or even understand the language didn’t help my case, I just never had the safety to open up and share my valid feelings. This created a young person that was open to more trouble and open to people that would take advantage of her inability to stand up for herself. I’ve been through manipulation, emotional abuse, neglect, discarded, put down, invalidated, lied about, under valued and have been put in a box, sealed tight to only be allowed to live in that small space so that everyone else feels comfortable.
I don’t know? I will never understand?
BUT I do know that just as everyone else on this planet has their voice, their feelings, their opinions, their wishes, their thoughts I DO TOO.
Having finally figured out over the past 5 years that I deserve so much more, I have been on a journey to free myself from the boxes people like to keep me in. My past experience dictated my behaviour. Whenever I spoke up about my feelings I was rejected, neglected and made to feel pretty damn shit about it. All the while it seemed everyone else was free to speak with no consequences.
SO I have been growing into a person who no longer fears rejection from others. Should they reject me then that’s on them and they clearly don’t value me in their life. I will never again be kept in a box and kept small and tiny with no voice.
I am learning that just as others can speak their mind to be heard well so can I.
Why should I be any different…
It is massive to release yourself from the fear of others, the fear of what they will do or say should you stand up for yourself. When you mould yourself into something you are not and live that way for a very long time others tend to think there is something wrong with you when you decide that’s not you after all. Those people usually don’t really take into account how that might make you feel being kept small and closed in. UNTIL you get the right people in your life that truly support you, love you, respect you, and want to see you grow and move forward. They are the ones you should listen to and believe. They are your biggest supporters and they will be with you all the way never giving up on you. They have your back, they stand up for you, they care about how you feel and how you have or are being treated. They don’t disrespect you behind your back, they have integrity and your best interests at heart.
Safe and healthy people in your life want you to grow and be your true self, they want you to be happy and free. They are the ones that hold your hand and say I will walk with you through anything. I love that!!!!!
There was a time I was frustrated about getting older but now I think its amazing, its freeing and I love the person that I am now, the person that is not subject to other peoples approvals or demands. If someone chooses to reject me, for me, well that’s out of my control and its not going to stop me from living.
When it all comes down to it and one day you are at the end of your life, if you can “hand on heart” say that you have no regrets with who you are as a person then that’s all the matters. One day every single person is going to be at that point in their lives when they are about to leave this earth and it is at that point that it wont matter who rejected you, mistreated you, or had no value of you in their lives. In that moment it will be about the ones that truly supported you and loved you for you.!!!!
No more boxes, no more time wasted on the people that don’t have any genuine interest or concern for your well being.
Move On, Move Forward and enjoy every single day that you are breathing.