After turning 50 years old this May 2020 I ended up in a place where I needed to confront my fears of taking medication and start a process of taking care of my physical self. It all started with high blood pressure readings, anxiety to making a decision regarding my menapausal stage of life. I made a decision to start Hormone Replacement Therapy and to record some of the journey for those that are in the same situation looking for answers to gain back their quality of life. This is my first video which was taken on the day I started the hormone therapy.

Depending upon positive or negative changes will depend how often I do a video. I will keep them fairly short and to the point. Hopefully this will provide some encouragement to other females who are on the same road and have been concerned about starting HRT.

Believe me when I say that I had a phobia of taking medication. Having ended up in hospital with dangerously high blood pressure I was suddenly faced with taking action!!!

Hope you find my videos informative and encouraging.

My video diary – Day 1 of HRT 4th July 2020

This year 2020 has been one I will not forget in a hurry, not only have we dealt with fires here in Australia the world has changed. The world has been fighting COVID-19. Sadly so many innocent victims have been taken out by this relentless virus. They didn’t make it. Families are grieving. Communities are shut down, businesses are suffering. Loss of jobs, income and plenty of worry to go around.

This year marks my 50th birthday and it will be celebrated in a few weeks. Five decades. I raised five children, married for 27 years and then divorced.

Each decade is a story book of its own.

As I contemplate on my life on all the past experiences I know it has shaped me into who I am today. I can honestly say I am happier with who I am now then I have ever been.

Main areas of personal growth and realisations are;

Letting people do what they want to do, I cant control them or change them.

Standing up for myself, I don’t deserve to be disrespected by anyone, I don’t deserve to be lied too, I don’t deserve to be abused, I don’t deserve to be mistreated, I don’t deserve to be stepped on, ridiculed, mocked OR shamed.

I wont tolerate sarcasm and put downs.

It’s important for me to be happy.

Willing to let go of anything OR anyone that is toxic.

Those that want me in their life will make an effort.

Those that don’t, that’s fine I wont chase.

Speak up sooner rather then later.

My opinions, thoughts and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.

Not everyone likes me and that’s OK as there are people I don’t like.

ACTIONS speak louder then words, you can say whatever you like but if your actions don’t match then it wont mean a thing.

I don’t need to prove myself, I am who I am and as long as I am happy with me then that is all that really matters.

Real and healthy love does exist, I found it.

All those years I was led to believe I was the problem to discover that I was living with abuse.

It matters who you attach yourself too.

It will make you OR break you.

If you are with someone who doesn’t value your values it will never truly work.

The core of a person never changes.

No amount of denial will stop those feelings telling you something is wrong.

You can try and cover it up it will still be there.

The day will come that you will need to address the true issue.

Everyone ages.

When your young you think you know it all until you get to this age and discover you knew nothing.

It takes decades to live and learn. No doubt there is more to discover beyond 50. I am happy to have reached this far. Yes there are some regrets, who doesn’t have those, I am genuinely happy and excited for the next 50 years.

50 here I come!

The Change that changes you

Agonising is the word that comes to mind when I relive that moment I was confronted with making a decision to stay or walk away. I had considered walking away several times before and was unable to commit to the process. It is a process to leave. The process often involves children and a good hard look at the finances.

On each occasion that I had considered walking away it was the thought of the children that had me stay.

I stayed in the relationship for the children.

Iwas unable to comprehend how the children would cope with parents living apart, a family no longer one unit.

To leave involves taking into account finances. Finances were always an issue for me as I was a full-time mum for decades.

How does one leave a relationship with little to no finances of their own?

Children and finances locked me into the marriage…

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The Change that changes you

Probably one of the most difficult aspects of life is accepting that another person or human being can choose to make decisions that hurt you. That no matter how hard you may try to do things right or morally correct does not guarantee the same in return.

We often like to believe the best of people.
We assume that others carry with them the same values and duty of care that we hold onto and believe in. Until the day when you realise it simply is not the truth nor the reality.
Your suddenly met with more let downs and disappointment.

It’s so unimaginable to accept that another human being just like yourself could be so against doing the right thing.

How do they live with themselves you wonder?

Is it possible that another human being can be so hard on the inside they have no feelings at all? If…

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The Change that changes you

In my very early teens I remember feeling so convinced and distraught that no boy would ever like me. That thought was only natural considering the depth of how much I didn’t like myself. When I was about 15 years old I was stunned and shocked yet excited that an actual male was interested in me. This led me into my first boyfriend experience. As nice as my first boyfriend was somehow I was always dissatisfied. It was as though I didn’t know how to be content. So when we broke up I went straight into a short fling with a guy that was quite broken. In my heart I knew it was going nowhere very quickly but I kept trying to convince myself that this guy loved me. My heart knew that I was only being used yet my empty craving for affection kept me hanging on. Nothing good…

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