There may be areas in your life which are not exactly where you would like them to be, live NOW

It could be that someone in your life has put you on hold, live NOW

Your past doesn’t need to cripple you, live NOW

Perhaps you feel overlooked at work, live NOW

Your marriage failed, live NOW

Sometimes it isn’t fair, live NOW

You made a mistake, live NOW

You’ve gained weight, live NOW

You simply woke up in a bad mood, live NOW

When the answer doesn’t come, live NOW

Your hard work hasn’t paid off yet, live NOW

Your not where you want to be, live NOW

LIVE NOW don’t put your life on hold for anything or anyone. Each moment is precious and you will never get it back. There is no pause in time. While you may tick something off the list a new item will be added. Live NOW , make the moments count and stop for a minute to realise what you do have in your life. Its not always about the future, when you get to the future there will be new challenges to deal with.

So why stop living?

Some of us are born fighters! We hold tight for DEAR LIFE when there is a chance of losing something or someone. Sometimes we hold on as though we are clinging to our own lives unable to let go for fear of dying. It can be impossible to fathom letting a situation escape from our hands and minds to just work itself out in due course. To allow this process requires letting go and believing its all going to work out the way that it should.

The reality is that we will face situations we have no control over no matter what we try and DO or SAY or even CONTROL.

We hold on so terribly tight that we lose sleep only to drain our energy, keeping us from what we should be focusing on. No one likes to experience loss and the pain that follows.


The fact is that we will all lose something at some point. Loss may happen several times in our lives.

I for one can understand the fear of loss. It can be very scary and painful all at the same time. When you have lost the first time you try your best to never lose again. When we are ruled by fear of loss there are various ways in which we may behave. Some people become controlling. The fear drives them to keep tabs on every aspect of a situation with an effort to ensure any outcome goes in their favour. For a situation to go differently can make controlling people very uncomfortable. To be so invested and desperate by controlling will not work in your favour, ever!

Opposite of that approach is settling in life. We decide to settle to keep ourselves comfortable. We don’t grow we stay put. We tip toe through life taking no chances in moving forward. We convince ourselves that moving forward presents too many risks. Our previous failures are carved into our memory making it difficult at times to ignore or move past.

The good part about growing up and getting older is that you have learnt what did not work in the past and there is a determination to approach situations very differently. Growing up is a process. There isn’t any short cuts to figuring things out. Sometimes we learn our best lessons through our mistakes.

Its good to think back to previous situations and consider if holding extremely tight to a person or a situation changed anything?

Did any of that stress or worry or control benefit anyone?

I used to be such a worrier. I worried about everything you can imagine. I worried well before any situation arrived and had gone through every possible scenario in my head as to what could possibly happen next. All of my worry was wasted. It didn’t help me one bit. It didn’t fix anything or change anything. I can still move into a place of worry however it doesn’t last long and is no where near as intense as it used to be.

I’ve learnt to let go and let things be….. and I’m talking about all the areas of life I have no control over. I’m settled within myself that it doesn’t matter what people do or don’t do, this no longer affects me in the same way. It doesn’t ruin my sleep or wreck my entire week. I have learnt that people will do what they want to do. I have no control over their decisions or their behaviour. I’ve learnt that the people who really value me will naturally stick by me and I have no need to be fearful or overly worried about others. I don’t put overwhelming expectations on anyone anymore.

People come and people go, people change and we change. Situations change and life changes.

Regardless of what happens around me it doesn’t need to rule my moods or my own value. I am who I am and I know my value. I am happy with who I am and I have no need to impress anyone or to try and influence a persons decision should it involve me.

To get to this place is freeing and liberating. It takes the stress off you and off others.

With all this in mind for the New Year remember you cannot control other people or the circumstances that can come our way of which we have no control over.

Continue being the best version of yourself, sit back, relax and chill.

This year travelled along very quickly and we sit on the verge of another brand spanking NEW YEAR !!!

Before I get ahead of myself, Christmas is waiting around the corner to be celebrated first. I must admit my first Christmas back in 2016 was the most difficult emotionally after our family broke up and with another Christmas in between being 2017, I have sprung back to enjoying Christmas again.

Christmas 2018.

Two Christmas’s ago I felt very sad, missed my adult children and was grieving over a broken family. It was the toughest Christmas I’ve ever experienced. As I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog it is all the FIRST’S that are the hardest when life has bought about a huge change. I’ve always known that change is not my favourite experience. It throws me off somewhat and depending upon the extent of the change determines how much it affects me.

As any mum I love all of my children and it is in this area I have been forced to let go and accept that Christmas will always be different now. Not all my adult children live close by, two of them are a 16 hour drive away. I miss them all the time. Of course my adult children were always going to grow up and leave home eventually and the eldest was already living away from home when our family broke up however it usually happens slowly. This allows time for the mum to accept it and grieve. When our family broke up it was overnight, no warning with no time to get ready emotionally.

It was on that night and in that moment I had to make a choice. The choice I took led me out the doors of the house we had just moved into and led me out of a very unhealthy 27 year marriage. I had to leave my adult children behind to save myself. I took my youngest with me and knew that this was going to be very hard for everyone.

As we are all on the verge of Christmas 2018 I am thankful that I made that choice. I can look back to where I was and appreciate living a healthy life. I love my new life. I no longer need to live on egg shells or cope with anxiety most days. I am experiencing a whole new world of healthy.

It is important to recognise what healthy looks like. We are happy to recognise the need to be healthy physically however often overlook what healthy is in our relationships. Unhealthy relationships impact psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I’m not talking about the little arguments couples have, I’m talking about mistreatment. Mistreatment that continues year after year.

It’s the mistrust, hurtful behaviour, manipulation, neglect, selfishness, sarcasm, emotional abuse and for some physical abuse. We often hear about this happening not realising how very real it is and how much it hurts people. No person on the planet deserves this form of treatment. If someone truly loves you they will not treat you that way, that is not love. A person who carries out this type of behaviour has deep issues and you will never be able to fix them.

SHOULD by some miracle that person sort themselves out and get better it will be too late as the damage is done and you will never trust them again. They have wounded you.

This Christmas when we celebrate lets not ignore the people around us as they could be dealing with something very painful. Christmas has a way of reminding us about the people we truly care about. Some of those people may live far away or may have even moved on into eternity.

If you know deep down that your relationship is very unhealthy and you are hurting more than anyone knows, remember that regardless of how scary it might be to reach out to others you cant do this alone. Its not your fault and you don’t deserve to be treated badly. If someone close to you was being treated very badly in a relationship would you accept that? If not then why would you allow someone to treat YOU badly? (food for thought)


Countless times I have found myself questioning a person’s actions or a life event that has taken place.

As humans we like to make sense of things.

We grapple to understand the decisions we or others make when the outcomes are far from what was expected.

We often hear people say; why would they do that?

What were they thinking?

OR what was I thinking when I took that path in life?

Does anybody know what they are doing?

Perhaps at times we say yes to something we should have said no too or vice versa.

In a short fleeting moment, we make decisions.

We jump at the chance!

The chance to be happy, in love, living a career filled life, fulfilling goals, getting married, have children, buy that car, go on a date, jump on a plane and travel, sign up for study at a university, move countries, take up a business, visit that person, attend a concert or settle down for a peaceful existence.

These options and many more are a part of life and make sense.

The no sense happens when things don’t work out the way we thought they would.
Sometimes we work hard to try and make it work and yet despite all the effort it fails.

When I think about the areas in my life that have changed direction or have not turned out the way I thought they would I recognise plenty of areas that make no sense.

As I consider these areas, I realise that even though they don’t make sense as a person I have grown more than I can imagine.

This growth has helped me to stand on my own two feet.

No longer do I put all my reliance onto one person. I don’t need too. As I’ve learnt that people change, and people make decisions which are not always going to have your best interest in mind. These people might be very significant in your life at the time, but it doesn’t guarantee anything. There can be so many factors involved when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to.

Its not all simple and straight forward.

When we are dealing with people we are dealing with their past experiences, personalities, culture, moods, values and their priorities. All these factors carry influence.

People are very complex.

When we see a person, we don’t see what has shaped them into who they are. The truth of the matter is that sometimes people are going to make a choice which doesn’t make sense.

When I think back to all the no sense areas of my life, I see connections.
For example; when I was in the very unhealthy marriage, I decided to start studying psychology. I was nearly half way through the studies when life changed completely. This meant that the study has not moved forward very far from where I left due to all the changes that came about. Such as needing to find employment to support myself financially. Despite the frustration of the study not moving forward the way I would have liked, my job has me sitting with people all day long who are going through very difficult times in their life. Some of these people are single mothers who have come out of very difficult relationships. All the NO SENSE areas of my life are very useful in these situations as I can connect with these mothers and support them in a way which I would not have been able to had I not gone through a similar experience. Out of all the pain and failure I have experienced I am empathetic and understanding with the people I see each day at work. These people appreciate being listened too and I can build a connection in a genuine way. I often get told that they love talking to me and that they feel comfortable.

While in this role I am not employed to be a counsellor I have been presented with opportunities to make a positive difference in people’s lives. At the same time, it continues to fuel my passion of completing my studies and to be employed in an area which I can make even more of a difference.

The reality is not everything is going to make sense in life. We can’t stop making decisions out of fear that its not going to work out. Some of the best thought out business plans fail. You may think you have it all covered and yet it doesn’t go to plan.

All the NO SENSE experiences we have are a part of the journey.

Its not always going to make sense.

Our brains are not going to understand everything all the time.

And that’s OK.

It doesn’t mean things wont work out in the long run. How long that takes we never know, we just got to keep on moving, keep on making decisions and taking steps. Should a significant person in your life make a decision which alters your world, don’t fret your life will still move forward with or without them.

All the failures and successes we have in life make us who we are so don’t get caught up on everything that doesn’t seem to be working well right now. It is a bit like a dot to dot puzzle. Once the dots are matched up the overall picture makes more sense.

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