Posted in Healing Process

The Gift of Time …

Whether you wear a wrist watch or have several clocks around the house or better still carry your mobile phone on you at all times, you will have noticed that time doesn’t stop for anyone. Even if we were to turn off our clocks we don’t possess the power to turn off time….

Time began the minute the world existed.

From the moment you were born into this world you had in common with every other person “TIME”.

By now most of us are already shaking our heads at how fast 2017 has taken off! It is approaching the end of February.

Traveling through 2016 felt as though it were on slow speed like a bad internet connection. So much pain and heart break filled the last half of that year for me and my kids. On so many occasions it truly felt like life was being incredibly unkind and cruel.

When you hurt it is only normal to feel that way.

Is it true that TIME heals all wounds?

I obviously can’t speak for everyone however I can speak for myself… Last year felt as though time for me was an enemy I was fighting.

I felt sad, angry and hurt for much of the last part of 2016.

It has taken everything for me to keep my head up and continue moving forward,

as what other choice do you have in these situations.

When life turns upside down and you are left with nothing (financially speaking) you must start again. No amount of time analysing the WHY’s of how unfair it was being left with nothing was going to help me.

My journey began in the Centrelink office asking for financial assistance as a single mum. They were surprisingly helpful on that first day I walked in empty on all levels. As helpful as they have been the money is only just enough to get by. There is no shopping till your dropping!

I’ve had to be very patient in terms of getting everything that I need. My family and friends have all been there in so many wonderful ways providing furniture to fridges in order for me to start again. My heart is filled with gratitude every time I think about what has been given to me.

Six and a half months have since passed from the first moment I drove myself back into Canberra not comprehending what had just happened to my life. Despite the ups and downs it has been TIME which has been consistent throughout.

In this New Year TIME has been moving me forward in various positive ways. Determination and patience has now provided me with a job. The location and hours are so ideal that it is as though someone tailored the job perfectly for me. While it is only a 3 month contract there is the hope that it gets extended.

Life is looking up!!!

The TIME which has filled up the past few months has been a gift of progressive healing. All of the vulnerabilities and pain have been turning into confidence and happiness. Time itself has shown me the deep cracks that were in my life, the ones I wasn’t aware of.

I was broken in my marriage.

Anything broken is vulnerable and weak.

I was weak!

Time is giving me the opportunity of becoming whole again. As I see more clearly how impacted I  was in the situation I was stuck in for so long, it has helped me to recognise that while I am not perfect, no one deserves to be treated as rubbish.

Time has a way of showing the truth! When you are in the middle of messes it can be hard to get clarity. Having been away from the mess has shown me the difference of abnormal living to normal living. The best word to describe abnormal living would be the word “toxic”.

I’ve had TIME to begin figuring out who I am all over again.

The real me!

The real me was always pushed down and treated with very little value and respect. There may have been occasions in which the ‘real me’ made an appearance yet it was always short lived.

Let TIME be your friend.

If you’re a young person looking to get married take all the TIME you need to make sure you are choosing someone who is going to treat you with respect and value. Don’t be in such a rush that you ignore the most important parts which keep a relationship healthy and most importantly is healthy for YOU.

Whether a relationship was not all that bad or a relationship was toxic there is still a process to journey through once there is a break up.

This week I’ve experienced the raw emotions returning on a few occasions with deep cries that were hard to stop.

It took me by surprise!

One may think that the worst is over however the emotions and heart are in need of time to grieve and heal. While our routines are changed and we no longer live with that person our emotions and heart are still the same. There are no quick 5 minute microwave fixes in restoring those wounds.

As frustrating as time can be depending upon the situation you find yourself in, time itself can be an enemy or a friend.

We need to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff!

Break ups often appear to happen instantly yet it takes a lot of time to get to that point. In much the same way we can expect a lot of time in order to recover from the break up.

I’ve yet to discover whether there is ever a full and complete healing. Does one ever truly get over a broken marriage 100%?

Life can Hurt so I’m keeping it Real…..

Continue reading “The Gift of Time …”

Posted in Uncategorized

Is there ever a ‘right time?’

We all need purpose in life!  Having a dream to do something significant with where your passion is gets you to the place of fulfilling your purpose. Having dreams and passions is not enough. It would be great if your dreams came knocking at the door one day and said “hey we are here to fulfil your purpose”.  How easy would that be? Obviously too easy! Life never happens like that. There are always steps we need to take to get there. The steps however small they are lead you to your purpose. Purpose is never all wrapped up and ready to go it takes time to piece together.

When I was younger I had a few dreams and it has taken a journey of a couple of decades to get to where I am today. Where I am today is still far from my dreams however I am closer to them now then a couple of decades ago.

Having had five children and being passionate about mum hood   was a priority that I valued and still value. Once upon a time I had four children less than four years of age. I was in my mid-twenties and at that age it was do-able. My husband worked and I stayed at home doing what mums do; taking care of little ones. YES it was very hectic and exhausting on certain days however I loved every bit of it. It is such a rewarding experience to be pregnant and then give birth to a gorgeous baby with a personality of their own. Each of my five children is unique and diverse in their abilities.

In the middle of the baby season in my life I still had dreams for myself. While I sort of stuck my toe out the door a little bit from time to time it was always the children that took first place in my life. It was something I couldn’t change if I wanted too! They were my priority and I loved it.

After the birth of my fifth child at the age of 37 I was still going through the ‘midlife crisis’ season. We moved to a new state that was incredibly hot and humid in summer and quite isolating from family. This probably did not lessen the pain in that season but perhaps made it worse, I will never know.

As I was coming out of the ‘midlife crisis’ I was aware that there was a dream in my heart still to be accomplished except I had no idea what it looked like as an older person. It was easier to dream when I was younger. When you are young the future looks bright and exciting! I had put my dreams on hold in my younger days to be a mum.♥

So here I was about to turn 43 and wondering what the next phase of my life looked like. I still had a young one to take care of and four teenager/adults living in the house as well. Plenty of housework and duties to perform kept me very busy. Within the busyness there was a nudging taking place on the inside of me. The nudge was begging for attention.

As an introvert and detailed person I usually like to have everything in place before I take something on. I am also someone who likes to feel, I’m very sensitive to emotion. So before taking a step it needs to feel right. A woman’s feelings change from day to day so to rely on those for timing could result in procrastination (which I was also very good at)!

When the nudging started to happen I was in my early forties and coming out of my ‘midlife crisis’, this perhaps put me into an advantage. In the forties one begins to realise that time is running out so there is no time to waste. Evidently this is what happened to me. All of my excuses for any delay in taking steps were no longer valid as I was faced with the realisation that I had less time to feel right. In other words I was not getting any younger.

While my dream was ultimately to help people  it had changed a little in direction. When I was younger the idea of studying psychology was as far away as the last planet is in the solar system from earth. Very average high school grades and a complete lack of interest in school was a true motivator against doing any further study!

One day as I was ‘googling’ options on the internet the words “psychology” came up. The idea of a psychology course was starting to spark interest. As I read more information about the course I decided that NOW was the right time to start. I recognised that if I were to put off taking the step another year then that would be another year I could not get back and that one day I would be able to say  I have finished the course.

Every step counts when you make a decision to head towards your dream. As you journey along you may find that the direction changes a little or you may recognise other areas of interest that perhaps would not have been highlighted to you unless you had taken that first step.

The psychology course has opened up an interest for me in ‘writing’. I recognise that I am not the best writer and have much to learn however I am passionate about connecting with people on a heart level and injecting them with inspiration! My writing is not intellectual head knowledge it is all based on heart. While my psychology course uses words that I have never heard of, my writing is simple and easy to understand on PURPOSE.  The inspiration comes from journeys that I have personally travelled through and have a desire to let others know that they are never alone and that in fact others have also been where they are.

What steps could you take towards your dreams?