Forgive, forget not.

For those of you who have read my blogs over the past year you would be familiar with all the various challenges and stages I have walked through or rather at times moved at snail’s pace to get to the next day. You yourself may connect with my blogs as perhaps you have or are experiencing truly tough life circumstances, which is one of the reasons I decided to start writing in the first place. To not only help myself to process life with all its challenges but to use my pain and growth for good purposes. If it helps someone it is all worth the effort. In no way do I profess to have all the right answers and we each go through different situations.
What works for me may not work for you!
It’s not so much that I write to give the answers, I write to share my journey with life so others don’t feel alone. I write to breathe hope. To shed light. To let individuals, know that if I can get through it, they can too!
Today I am writing about forgiveness. ♥
This past week has been another one of those very trying and difficult times. Not only have I been battling some sort of virus in my body which has put me out of work now for four days, last weekend I had to meet with my ex-husband for the first time in over one year.
The shear thought initially had me very vulnerable and sensitive. The week prior to seeing him I was experiencing all sorts of emotions. It didn’t seem to make sense. Why was I experiencing so much emotion when I had thought it was already dealt with?
Perhaps it was the unknown.

How was I going to react seeing him especially after everything that has happened?
Was I going to react angry? Sad?
The reality is I was with this person for 27 years and had five children.
It was a special family occasion that put me in the situation of having to see him again.
No amount of psyching myself up was going to help me.
Prior to seeing him as I mentioned I was very sensitive. I went through a series of thoughts, emotions, worries and even regrets.
The moment arrived in which I was in the same room as him. It was perhaps one of the most surreal and awkward times of my life. It was as though a dead person came back to life and they were now in the same room as me.
As I was in what you can call my own ‘safety bubble’ at the time I was unable to notice my young son’s reaction to seeing his own dad after having had no contact with him for the whole time. Prior to the day I had encouraged my young son in coming along as he too was apprehensive. It was not my young sons fault that he hadn’t had contact with his dad nor was it mine. I explained to him that another year on and it will be virtually impossible for him to meet up with his dad. Not the ideal situation by any means.
Amongst family in the same room I stood there with my ex-husband breathing the same air as me. At first, I found it difficult to look his way. Slowly I got braver and could take short glimpses of the man I was married too. Each glimpse was confronting. Each glimpse brought back pain and hurt. Each glimpse touched on sad places in my heart. Each glimpse reminded me that our marriage was over.
Then the time came for our first conversation face to face.
It was during our conversation that the reality of our marriage being over was hitting me. We were such separate people now. Any connection we may have had was completely broken. We were like old friends from times past who were having a conversation and catching up on each other’s past year.
There was no topic off limits. We talked about everything.
While in the back of my mind I remembered everything that he had put me through I was able to come to a place in which I told him that ‘I can forgive him’. I choose to forgive him. In the next sentence, I had to let him know that while I forgive him I won’t be able to forget. That as a person I have grown so much and recognised what I want and what I don’t want and what is healthy and what is not.
This sequence of events has helped me heal some more.
Despite the harsh reality of a broken family something has shifted in that I can talk to him without animosity or resentment. I can talk confidently. For the sake of all our children and especially the youngest there is now room for Dad to be in their life if he chooses to be.
This past week I have learnt to FORGIVE.
To GRIEVE again.
To ACCEPT what is.



Our Heart Beats to a Rhythm

It doesn’t surprise me that during the time that I have been blogging (which has not been for very long) there is a theme that beats a familiar tune finding its way into my stories. The theme seems to keep coming back to a person’s heart condition which I refer to as the emotional part of the heart rather than the heart as an organ. Every break through that I have gotten in my life has involved my heart. Life’s hurdles, battles and triumphs have been felt in my heart. I don’t know about you but my heart is like a sponge it soaks up every experience, the good and the bad, the hurtful and the comforting. In some cases there have been certain situations in which it felt as though another person had my heart in their hands to do as they pleased (mainly as I didn’t know any better).

Recently as I was thinking about the heart I thought it would be interesting to have a look at what the similarities might be between an actual physical heart condition and an emotional condition. My reasoning is that each heart condition whether physical or emotional can impact the quality of our life therefore it only deserves to be talked about and not ignored.

The organ ‘our heart’ is a vital piece of machinery we cannot live without. It pumps blood to all of the other organs in our body including tissue and cells. This process takes place through our veins and arteries. The blood that is pumped through our body carries oxygen and nutrients which is crucial for our cells. Dangerous waste is also eliminated. The heart truly is an amazing piece of equipment we are all born with.

Without getting too technical I thought I would just have a look at the most obvious physical heart condition known as cardiovascular disease. This condition causes a narrowing or a blockage of the blood vessels which can lead to heart attacks, angina (chest) pain or stroke. Research has found that many heart conditions can be prevented or treated with healthy life style choices. The heart as an organ keeps us alive literally. Our choices about what we eat, our lifestyle, and stresses, all play a role in the health of our heart. It is not something we have the liberty to take for granted.

Our beating hearts can also feel emotion. When we talk about positive emotions such as; experiencing love or joy for instance these emotions are felt in our heart. Negative emotions such as; rejection, hate, anger, unforgiveness, equally have an impact and are felt in our heart. Experiments conducted using different measures of psychological and physiological states have consistently shown the effect emotions have on the hearts rhythm and on the nervous system. Negative emotions effect heart rhythms. While positive emotions bring about harmony to the heart rhythm and a balance in the nervous system.

Going back to cardiovascular disease its effects on the body can be detrimental. Depending on the percentage of the blockage the doctors usually treat the patient with either prescription medication or with the more serious blockages they perform surgery by inserting a stent which opens up the blocked artery.  Doctors can also perform a bypass on a patient if that is what is more suitable for their individual situation.

Either way these blockages cause interference to the healthy functioning of the human body affecting the quality of a person’s life and wellbeing.

A few paragraphs earlier I discussed research which has found that negative emotions tend to cause heart rhythm problems. This tells me that our emotions are very powerful. As not only do negative emotions have the ability to alter our behaviours or better yet have the ability to keep us from enjoying life to the full,  there is also the very real impact these emotions have on our physical bodies. With this being said it makes sense to consider not only our diets and our lifestyles but to recognise when we have given permission for a negative emotion to over stay its welcome.

We cannot get away from the fact that we are going to experience negative and positive emotions for the rest of our lives. It is our choice how long we allow that negative emotion to live as a squatter in the home of our hearts. The longer it is allowed to stay the more interference we will be battling with. We can try and fix the problem by ignoring it, or making ourselves really busy so that we don’t have time to think about it. The trouble is that this squatter will stand in the way of your success to having healthy relationships with other people and can jeopardise your ability to move forward in life.

Just as cardiovascular disease results in blockages of the arteries negative emotions can cause blockages in your relationships and your overall sense of peace. Most of us have heard the statement that when you forgive someone it is about what it does for you not for them. This statement is very credible. Choosing to forgive someone gives you your rhythm back!

Choosing to kick that squatter out of your house eliminates the interference it causes in your life!

Healthy Hearts really are Happy Hearts