This year 2020 has been one I will not forget in a hurry, not only have we dealt with fires here in Australia the world has changed. The world has been fighting COVID-19. Sadly so many innocent victims have been taken out by this relentless virus. They didn’t make it. Families are grieving. Communities are shut down, businesses are suffering. Loss of jobs, income and plenty of worry to go around.
This year marks my 50th birthday and it will be celebrated in a few weeks. Five decades. I raised five children, married for 27 years and then divorced.
Each decade is a story book of its own.
As I contemplate on my life on all the past experiences I know it has shaped me into who I am today. I can honestly say I am happier with who I am now then I have ever been.
Main areas of personal growth and realisations are;
Letting people do what they want to do, I cant control them or change them.
Standing up for myself, I don’t deserve to be disrespected by anyone, I don’t deserve to be lied too, I don’t deserve to be abused, I don’t deserve to be mistreated, I don’t deserve to be stepped on, ridiculed, mocked OR shamed.
I wont tolerate sarcasm and put downs.
It’s important for me to be happy.
Willing to let go of anything OR anyone that is toxic.
Those that want me in their life will make an effort.
Those that don’t, that’s fine I wont chase.
Speak up sooner rather then later.
My opinions, thoughts and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.
Not everyone likes me and that’s OK as there are people I don’t like.
ACTIONS speak louder then words, you can say whatever you like but if your actions don’t match then it wont mean a thing.
I don’t need to prove myself, I am who I am and as long as I am happy with me then that is all that really matters.
Real and healthy love does exist, I found it.
All those years I was led to believe I was the problem to discover that I was living with abuse.
It matters who you attach yourself too.
It will make you OR break you.
If you are with someone who doesn’t value your values it will never truly work.
The core of a person never changes.
No amount of denial will stop those feelings telling you something is wrong.
You can try and cover it up it will still be there.
The day will come that you will need to address the true issue.
When your young you think you know it all until you get to this age and discover you knew nothing.
It takes decades to live and learn. No doubt there is more to discover beyond 50. I am happy to have reached this far. Yes there are some regrets, who doesn’t have those, I am genuinely happy and excited for the next 50 years.
50 here I come!
Probably one of the most difficult aspects of life is accepting that another person or human being can choose to make decisions that hurt you. That no matter how hard you may try to do things right or morally correct does not guarantee the same in return.
We often like to believe the best of people.
We assume that others carry with them the same values and duty of care that we hold onto and believe in. Until the day when you realise it simply is not the truth nor the reality.
Your suddenly met with more let downs and disappointment.
It’s so unimaginable to accept that another human being just like yourself could be so against doing the right thing.
How do they live with themselves you wonder?
Is it possible that another human being can be so hard on the inside they have no feelings at all? If…
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In my very early teens I remember feeling so convinced and distraught that no boy would ever like me. That thought was only natural considering the depth of how much I didn’t like myself. When I was about 15 years old I was stunned and shocked yet excited that an actual male was interested in me. This led me into my first boyfriend experience. As nice as my first boyfriend was somehow I was always dissatisfied. It was as though I didn’t know how to be content. So when we broke up I went straight into a short fling with a guy that was quite broken. In my heart I knew it was going nowhere very quickly but I kept trying to convince myself that this guy loved me. My heart knew that I was only being used yet my empty craving for affection kept me hanging on. Nothing good…
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