Introducing my Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day …

Today on this special day I thought I would make it official to the whole wide world that I have been blessed with the most gorgeous man inside and out. He is continually surprising me on every level.

A true man with the most genuine and caring heart.

I never thought it could be possible to find someone who suits me perfectly.

Never Give Up!!!

Never settle for less than you deserve. Be patient and hold onto your true value and the right person will come into your life at the right time.

Sending my love out to the world on this Valentines Day!!!


Posted in relationships

Wisdom in the Ordinary

If you were to grab a set of scales and measure how many ordinary days exist compared to the extraordinary what would you find? I have no doubt after spending over four decades on planet earth that the scales measuring the ordinary days would far outweigh some of the extraordinary times of our lives.

Life is jam-packed with ordinary moments. Grocery shopping is but one of them.  A lot of people I talk to express a certain dislike towards shopping, especially for the groceries.  We all have to do it, unless of course you have escaped it with the convenience of online shopping. Grocery shopping is one of the most ordinary weekly tasks we accomplish. Not too much thought is given for this vital and ordinary chore and until recently I hadn’t thought too much of it myself.

If you have been following my blogs in the recent months you would be aware of how much my life has changed. I live in a different state with my nine year old son as a single mum. All of my adult children live approximately 16 hour’s drive away. Given this huge adjustment everything about what my life previously was no longer exists. No longer can I simply hang out with my adult children. No longer can I pop over to my favourite shopping mall to do the groceries. No longer do I go to the same church. No longer do I go out for coffees with my daughter and have laughing fits enough to provide a serious abdomen workout.

A few days ago I saw a t.v. commercial which reminded me of the vegetable and fruit shop I used to go to. The ordinary suddenly held meaning!!!  All of a sudden I was transported to that particular shop in my thoughts and began picturing all the aisles filled with fruit and vegetables. I could picture the checkout that I would stand at to pay for my groceries. I remembered life as a complete family and re lived a moment as I carefully choose all the ingredients to cook a meal for dinner. My attachment to that fruit and vegetable shop is from a time when we were a complete family.

The fruit and vegetable shop is only one example of many ordinary moments that have recently invaded my thoughts. It isn’t easy to let go. Despite all of the hurt that I have been through in my marriage it amazes me how my mind can wander to everything that once was! It is difficult to let go of a family that once lived together sharing special moments. I loved being a mum to my children and I still do.

It seems that regardless of the hurt or pain of the recent past I often remember the ordinary. Little did I know that my usual grocery shopping would not only change location but would be downsized for feeding two? All of the ordinary moments hold extra meaning for me today. Perhaps remembering the previous ordinary moments helps me to adjust to the loss I have experienced providing a moment of connection to my adult children whom I miss a lot.

It seems that the ordinary days are just as important as the extra ordinary. In any given day the common thread connecting Monday to Sunday are people! People hold value, which is why it hurts so much when a relationship breaks down. I don’t think anyone intentionally sets out to ruin a relationship. Unfortunately life happens! People make choices. Those choices have consequences whether good or bad. It is the bad consequences which are very difficult to un~do.

The ordinary days provide opportunities to build trust and connection with the people in our lives. Often people forget or don’t realise there is consequences to what they do in the ordinary moments of a relationship. Consequences have a way of sticking around no matter how much you want them to disappear.

TRUST is a big one!

When a person’s trust has been broken too many times there is no magical super glue to put it back together. If I am in a relationship with someone who continually breaks my trust it won’t matter how desperately I try to trust them again, the consequence is broken trust. There will be reservation on my end. I will not open myself up to the other person completely. A relationship without trust is a disaster waiting to happen. It creates distance.

Relationships need trust, respect, honesty, support, love, care, appreciation, value and forgiveness. In the ordinary moments relationships are built on these qualities. Families fall apart when in the ordinary moments the essential values are neglected.

A healthy relationship or family need more than vegetables and fruit to thrive. Each person in the relationship must provide the qualities needed to keep it thriving. A relationship takes two people. Let’s face it we have more ordinary days than extra ordinary! What we do every day either builds or tears down. When one person in a relationship puts in and receives nothing but emptiness and hurt in return it is only a matter of time before a break up completes the struggle.

Wisdom tells us that since there are more ordinary days than extra ordinary we shouldn’t take them for granted. Ordinary days are the building blocks for the extra ordinary. What we do or say today will matter tomorrow. We need to take the time to consider what we want our tomorrow to look like?

Time is precious and we don’t get another practise run. People should be the focus of our ordinary days. Our relationships and families need to be on top of the list. While we can’t do anything about how others prioritise the most important people in their lives we can choose to do something about our own choices and priorities. Occasionally it can mean losing someone from your life. It’s never easy losing someone yet if there is anything positive that can come from it, is finding out what you do or don’t want in a relationship. In my young days I was broken and hasty! Now that I have lived life a little I’ve finally realised what it is that I do need. What I need is to live a life that doesn’t move away from trust, respect, honesty, support, love, care, appreciation, value and forgiveness.

When you finally figure out what you need then it’s time to hold onto those values tightly. Don’t let them go or be trampled on by anyone. There is nothing more painful than being in a relationship with someone who holds different values.

Choose wisely in the ordinary moments.

Posted in Uncategorized

When words are not enough…

Over the years I have heard it said that our words have power. That we should be careful with the words we speak. It’s been said that negative words can produce negative circumstances as much as positive words create positive results. Motivational books are filled with this topic! Often in church you will hear preachers speaking about the power of our words. In the bible it says: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

Words do carry influence. If you hang around someone who speaks negatively for long enough you may find yourself speaking negatively and vice versa with positivity. Words can fall from our lips loosely until we catch ourselves and become aware of the words we speak. Words have the power to hurt someone deeply. Words also have the power to bring a smile to a person’s face. Words can be calming, encouraging and inspiring. Each human being is in charge of their words and how they choose to use them.

Words are powerful…

Then there are times when words are not enough. In those times the words only have power when action follows. There is nothing more frustrating than listening to someone say all the right words and yet contradict every sentence by choosing to act the opposite. Someone may tell you for years that they will change yet eventually you realise that nothing much has changed at all. Perhaps it is easier to use words as filler with an attempt to patch the gaps. Just like those areas in the bathroom that eventually erode and the only way to repair it is to either replace it or fill in the gaps. The right words can stall time yet eventually if the actions don’t change then the true meaning of those words become very noticeable.

Relationships can only survive for so long with temporary fixes. Eventually the time will come when a drastic renovation is needed in order to save what might be left. Renovations can cost a lot of time and money. Sometimes renovations can’t even fix the problem. It may need bulldozing as the damage has gone down deep to the foundations.

Have you heard the saying?

They can talk the talk but can’t walk the walk.

Words of forgiveness lose their power when there is no change in behaviour. A person that chooses to change their hurtful behaviour will find better results as opposed to using only the words ‘will you forgive me’. While it is nice to hear ‘will you forgive me’, those words only really mean something when the person saying them decides to follow them through with what they do. Forgiveness and action go hand in hand.

When someone breaks your trust no amount of words are going to fix it. Only the right type of action over a period of time is going to have a chance of healing any damage.

When someone says ‘I love you’, the truth of those words is seen in what they do. People are only fooled for so long with mere words. I’m reminded of the saying: don’t judge a book by its cover. The true heart of a person is always seen in their actions.

While words have the power to heal or destroy, actions carry the same responsibility. Action often requires more from us than words. Perhaps we are not always willing to follow through. Whatever our actions are, you can be sure they always send a message or tell a story.

Words combined with contradictory actions create all sorts of problems in relationships. Whether it be in business, marriage, family or friendship. Most people appreciate when the right action follows words. This allows trust to grow strengthening relationships.

Following through with words can put you in a favourable position at work. Employers will always seek you out when they know you can be counted on.   Reliable and trustworthy people always rise above those that rely solely on their many words.

Relationships strengthen and grow closer when each partner knows that they can count on each other to follow through. In the same way relationships fall apart when one partner loses trust. Words with the wrong actions send mixed messages. It destroys the foundations that are necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship.

As parents it’s always good to remember that kids watch what we do not what we say. Kids learn how to do life by watching their parents. Your actions are their teacher from a very young age.

So much of life rests on what we do not on what we say. Just as the bible verse at the beginning of this blog describes our words as producing fruit, actions are the same.

I suppose it comes down to how much do we really mean what we say?

Are we just saying words in the spur of the moment, or buying time. Perhaps we forget that others remember what we say.

What do we want our relationships to look like?  Do we want relationships that are solid?

It’s impossible to have a true relationship with someone who may find the right words to say yet behave in such a way that shows you the emptiness of their words.

Sometimes words are not enough we need to put action to them. How great is it when someone keeps their word! The best types of relationships are the ones  you don’t need to keep second guessing. Don’t get lost in someone’s words ignoring their actions. If the actions are hurtful and unhealthy it might be time to rethink the situation. There comes a time when you need to consider hurtful and unhealthy actions. You can only ignore it for so long as eventually it will affect the quality of your life.

Don’t enable people to keep hurting you, set boundaries. You are of no use to anyone if you keep getting injured. You have every right to take care of yourself.

Words + no action = empty

Words + hurtful action = damage

Words + the right action = VALUE + RESPECT + TRUST = HEALTHY