Posted in Acceptance, courage, Freedom, Healing Process, Inspiration, parenting, relationships, Strength and resilience

Not on my watch ….

An area of weakness within my DNA and core of who I am is the tendency to believe that all people are good and they have your back. Time and time again I have found that not to be the case. We meet people along the path of life whether they be work colleagues, family or friends that can turn on you without warning. Way back in my younger days I was always worried about being liked. It held too much of a focus. I don’t think I was really aware at that age of how hard it can be to please and impress everyone. The need to keep everyone happy OR to be liked had me under a lot of pressure. It had me being someone I wasn’t at different times. I would have to go with the flow, speak as others speak, do as they say OR else be judged, be left behind, be hated OR ignored. I couldn’t stand the idea of others not liking me when I was young.

When you are young and trying to impress others or trying to keep the peace you hold back on who you really are. Others don’t get to know you as YOU. As my young self it felt like such a RISK to be me. FEAR kept me bound, it was about the risk of losing, the risk of failure which had my thoughts, opinions and words locked up inside of me. I would hide them with a smile. Little did others know how painful it really was to keep my mouth closed from speaking, holding in what I really thought about something, pretending to like it, pretending to be happy when I was in fact hurting, angry, sad etc.

As a 52 year old looking back on my young self always gives me clear answers as to how I managed to get into situations that were not good for me. It was always about fitting in, about not upsetting anyone and as mentioned before “going with the flow”. … Blending in, not being different, not having a voice, invisible, silent, careful, on edge, pretending, lonely and sad. In a way I was like a robot doing as others do or being as they wanted me to be. Holding onto the desperate need to please everyone I fought to stay on their good side. People liked me because I didn’t challenge them. I was easy to manipulate, control OR disregard.

The idea that people always have your back was smashed many times over in my life and even now I experience what people can be like. As we all do of course. We all have our experiences with people. Probably one of the most biggest challenges I have given myself since my life changed drastically in 2016 was to never stop being myself. It was about choosing not to be a people pleaser, not allowing myself opportunities to fall into any traps for others to control my life. As I have been there and done that. I paid the ultimate price back in 2016 when I walked away leaving 4 adult children behind. To this day I still cant quite comprehend how I did that, as my children have always been the love of my life. I can only say that it was desperation to save myself that kept me strong. The pain and heartache I went through during that period I wouldn’t even be able to describe unless you are someone that has gone through the same experience. The one thing that has kept me sane is the knowledge that had I not left I would probably not even be half of who I am today. I would have gone to the next level of serious mental health crisis.

Having been through the ultimate sacrifice as a mother I am unable to tolerate certain behaviours from others where once upon a time I would have just smiled and pretended I was ok with it. In my life now I don’t allow others to dictate who I should be. I won’t let anyone no matter who they are, to think they can treat me whichever way they like and think is OK.

Its not OK….

The older me is learning to say NO. I am learning to have boundaries I should have had years ago. I am also learning that as I have been setting boundaries there are people that don’t like me. I am facing the exact situation that I was trying to avoid as a young person. I can no longer please and impress people. I believe that if any person genuinely wants you in their life they will not push you away. If they truly like you then they won’t treat you poorly. I am learning to be OK with people not liking me.

When others don’t like me I remind myself of all the amazing people in my world that do like me and even love me. Having had healthy people in my life over the recent years as given me the opportunity to safely discover who I really am. The people that love me allow me to use my words, to speak my thoughts and share my opinions. They don’t get angry with me for opening up. They want to know how I am and what I think. They don’t treat me terribly. It’s a wonderful feeling to have safe people in my life. I hold onto the people in my life that have shown me they are there for the long haul. I thank them for allowing me to grow into who I am today 🙂

A letter from mum

To My Dear Children,

I’m writing a letter to express my thoughts and feelings regarding all the pain each of us have felt at different stages since the night I left your father.

Several hearts broke as I left a 27-year marriage nearly 4 years this July with your youngest sibling. Please understand it HURT LIKE HELL to leave my adult children behind.

 I was in a self-protective state.

The departure was abrupt and happened without warning no one could have expected it would take place like it did. I would never have imagined that I would be packing suitcases in a hurry while keeping your youngest brother calm as he packed his belongings. Your Dad told me to move out and I had nothing left in me to fight back. I just remember calmly grabbing everything I could think of as he followed me around everywhere like a security guard silently watching and staring. It was dark outside, and your youngest brother was still in his school clothes with unfinished dinner on his plate. I didn’t have a plan I just knew this was it, this was the night that changed EVERYTHING.

The night before I can only describe myself as on high alert sitting on the verge of a mental breakdown. I remember lying on my bed in a foetal position thinking “SHIT this is bad I think I’ve finally reached my pain threshold in this marriage”.   I was crying so deep and hard that it felt as though my body was going to break into pieces. It was like the final breaking point of years’ worth of being mis-treated.

As you would remember our relationship was always on the verge of arguing and fighting. For years I tried to make it work. Whenever I reached out to people at church, they always told me “just keep praying”, “be the wife you should be and God will change him”, “forgive him”, “love him” ….

The loneliness was constant as a young mum of 4 young children.  His routine had him out the door extremely early in the morning and back at home quite late most nights. He never helped around the house when I needed it the most, not through any of my pregnancies or at any time.  I battled with exhaustion and limited resources (money) regularly. I had 4 children under the age of 4 at one stage and as you can imagine that was intense, however I loved being a mum and I adored and loved you all with all my heart and I still do. That will never change.

As the four of you were growing up, I did my best to take care of you, your father made many decisions on his own which impacted us and other people financially.

Those decisions resulted in debt collectors knocking on the door and calling the phone. He left me to deal with all the angry aggressive people on my own while I was a young mum busy taking care of 4 children, my advice he didn’t accept, my worries he didn’t think about, there was never any planning, it always happened on the whim with the bank account being full one minute and empty the next.

Countless times I found myself wondering what I was going to make for dinner when there were no resources. I had to be creative. Often in desperation I had to ask my parents for money to buy food OR petrol and on occasions rent money because we were on the verge of being kicked out.

I always found it so hard to understand that even with all the hours he was away from home “working” money problems continued.

What baffled me often was his willingness to give people large cheques (when cheques were a thing) of anywhere up to $1000 OR MORE when our bank account was nearly empty, and debts were piling up in the special manila folder I put them in. It was thick with notices and it had grown over our first few years of marriage.

His reasoning behind the extravagant giving was always the same. He explained to me that while the money went to people it was in fact going to God. He told me that if he gives to God he would always be looked after.  He would say “my heavenly father will look after me”.

Followed with “don’t you trust him?”.

When I would talk to him about budgeting and paying the debts there were occasions it sort of got set up but then it never lasted long.  He often said, “I can make money as quick as I can spend it”, “don’t you believe that your heavenly father will look after you”. I would tell him BUT God gave us brains to plan. I put my case forward and came out with examples like: if I don’t put meat in the fridge it will go off, God won’t look after the meat sitting on the kitchen bench for days on end it will just naturally turn rotten as I am not looking after it.

When there is unpaid debts and unpaid bills there is no moving forward it just gets worse over time and that manila folder was growing regularly. It wasn’t even what you call “good debt”.

Dad created a lot of enemies back then due to the debts and I was just trying to be a good mum and a good wife during INCREDIBLE STRESS. I was stressed to the max for so much of those years you were growing up.

It was when I was around 26 years old that all the stress up to that point even started affecting my body. I started having “panic attacks”. I thought I was dying until I went to the doctor who explained what they were all about and how I would need to manage them.

Then I found that I had to deal with being a mum, wife, under heaps of stress and now managing panic attacks. Worse part was there was no support from him, more often then not only silence. Silence as he decided not to communicate with me and complete silence as he was barely ever at home.

We moved many times and life got lonelier. It was taking care of all the children that gave me a purpose. I was now finding myself in different states getting further away from my own family. As we moved away further, he would regularly talk about my family back in Canberra and make them out to be bad influencers, especially because they didn’t go to church. He would make me feel as though spending time with them would turn me into a sinner. Stress and loneliness started turning into bouts of depression. I would isolate myself often as I found it hard to be around people who had a normal life.  Things were always going wrong. He would use those opportunities to say, “it’s because we are Christians, so the devil is attacking”, OR “your depressed because of your childhood hurts that haven’t been healed yet”.

Hearing those things made me try harder and pray harder. (That’s also what you are taught in church to do, right?)

I found myself regularly in a wardrobe balling my eyes out as everything felt so dark all too often.

It was as though a thick black cloud followed our family around from state to state.

Usually when we argued I would be the one begging him to understand how I felt. I would give in and apologise to make things better, he rarely apologised. After a session like that I would walk away feeling as though nothing was truly resolved. It was just a temporary band aid to keep things going a little longer. For years I was made to feel and believe that all our arguments were my fault. That I was too sensitive.

Unfortunately, he could not understand how I felt under all that pressure and stress of dealing with life and dealing with the aftermath of his decision making and his mis treatment of me.

Throughout all those years I started to lose respect and trust.

I couldn’t stop that process it naturally started happening.

I yearned to know what it would be like to respect and trust a husband.

But it just never happened and that wasn’t my fault.

Of course, there were some happy times and I enjoyed those moments when it seemed life was suddenly OK. But the thing is life went from extreme LOWS to extreme HIGHS like a roller coaster.

In those HIGH moments I would convince myself that our relationship was getting better.  It was only temporary it never lasted long.

As the years continued, we moved to QLD and family was further away and loneliness was constant.

It was in QLD that I began to realise it wasn’t always my fault. I started to realise that he was always twisting my words and not really listening to me.

I would start to stand up for myself and say things like: “why are you speaking to me that way, it hurts and I can’t tolerate it anymore”, I would question him rather than believe everything he was saying to me. He always thought he had all the answers, but no one has all the answers. We all need to take some criticism in life. He wouldn’t accept my thoughts or views. He had a way of communicating which always left me feeling that he had a close relationship with God, and I didn’t. That God spoke to him and he knew everything. As though he was truly above us all and that we needed to listen to him.

The more I questioned him the worse things started getting.

I started finding my voice and realising that I mattered, that I shouldn’t be mis-treated, and I certainly didn’t deserve it.

We moved from one suburb to the next in QLD and our relationship progressively got worse. After we had settled in the second rental in QLD for some reason, he decided it was time to target his daughter and start mis-treating her. I watched him treat my daughter so badly each day. She came to me upset and hurt more times than I can count. As I watched him treat her badly it started reminding me of me, of how I felt when he treated me that way.

Whenever I would talk to him about his mistreatment of her it didn’t do anything.

Our relationship was never healthy and then each afternoon he suddenly started coming home looking at me suspiciously. I would feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety. To the point where if I was in bed and he came home my heart would start beating very fast and I would just get nervous and worried/anxious.

Then it was the move to the third house in QLD where things got crazier.

I remember getting weird text messages from him as he was in Sydney for a few days while I was packing up the house getting things ready to move.

I remember one day I walked out the back where the creek was and just cried my heart out knowing deep down somehow that our marriage was over. That it had finally got to the breaking point.

Then we moved to the next house and of course things were tense between us.

I tried one night to talk with him as I always did, and he immediately started putting it all on me as he usually did.

That’s when I lost it emotionally and mentally and went into an uncontrollable cry which felt like a nervous breakdown.

I went upstairs to our new bedroom and just lay there on my bed crying so deep and so hard. I knew this was it I couldn’t continue life this way. It was hurting me too much and I was damaged and broken.

The next night I was upstairs laying on your youngest brothers’ bed as we had just both watched a movie; he was still in his school clothes and I heard your father come home.

I had been watching videos on my phone about emotional abuse. I had done so many times before desperately trying to educate myself on what the signs were and how it all plays out.

I was watching one on my phone when he turned up.

Obviously, he didn’t like it and then came over and tapped me hard on my forehead asking me to turn it off.

I stood up for myself and minutes later he approached me while your youngest brother was present stating he wanted me and my daughter to move out.

I asked why his daughter? he said because I know you both talk about me behind my back. (yes, we did talk about him behind his back when she was expressing her hurt to me of his mistreatment).

Your youngest brother started crying and saying, “are you and mum getting a divorce?”, he said YES and it’s because Dad is a bastard.

Suddenly realising that I had nothing left in me anymore to even try, let alone the mental capacity to handle the situation anymore I went into a bubble.

I calmly asked your youngest brother to pack some things into his bags and said everything was going to be alright.

I went into my room and started putting clothes into suitcases.

He stood and watched me everywhere I went like a security guard.

He followed me silently around the house as I took some of my things.

He asked for all the keys back.

I found all the keys I could think of and put them all in his hand and said “ now that I am leaving, just know I will never be coming back”, by that I meant back into the relationship. I had no idea what I was going to do from there I only had $400 dollars in my purse due to selling stuff on gum tree prior to moving.

I drove around for hours with your youngest brother trying to find cheap accommodation.

Cheapest was $149 for the night. I wasn’t going to sleep in the car.

The next morning after little sleep, he had already locked me out of the bank account.

He never once asked how your youngest brother was.

My family obviously worried said just come to Canberra and stay for a few weeks to figure it out.

I had no choice, so I drove to Canberra.

Then I tried coming back to be closer to you all and that was my intention.

Over the phone we discussed that I would come up to QLD while he was in Sydney for 4 days and this would give me the opportunity to stay at the house to try and find another rental.

He was going to put part of the bond from the other house into my bank so I could pay bond for a house in Brisbane.

It was all settled one morning over the phone, but then that didn’t last, that night I started receiving the weirdest text messages and then it turned into NO you can’t come here anymore I don’t feel right about it.

Your youngest brother was devastated and so was I.

I had to remain strong, I had to put a brave face on and ignore all my heart break in being separated from my adult children.

I stayed with my family until I finally got my own unit while on Centrelink payments. After rent I only had $150 to live each fortnight which was electricity, food and petrol.

In a matter of weeks after moving into my unit whilst dealing with a fractured foot, I also found out that your Dad had already found himself someone. That he had already taken this person to the house in Brisbane to meet you all.

Whack!!! another low blow.

But I kept strong for my youngest. He became my focus as I needed to make sure life was going to be OK for him.

Being a mum can be one of the hardest jobs in the whole world. Sometimes you feel judged for the decisions you must make. Then often I remind myself that had I stayed I would have been admitted into a mental health ward and what good would I have been then?

Usually only those that have been through similar experiences truly get what it is like to be in an unhealthy marriage. It is nearly 4 years since that night now and my life has moved forward drastically. People that see me on a regular basis can tell how I am a different person now. I am not the same as I was then. I even have a new laugh. I smile more often, I’m relaxed. Life is Good. I will stand up for myself much quicker and won’t put up with disrespect from anyone. I did my time. No more begging from me. No more justifying my decisions. I can go to bed and sleep at night knowing in my heart of hearts that I made the best decision of my life when I let go of being mis-treated.

I have worked very hard to get to where I am now financially and emotionally. I can say that I am PROUD of myself too! Proud in a healthy way. I got through some of the toughest moments in life. I won’t put myself in a situation to be mis-treated, now that I have worked out my value as a human being. Your father had a way of portraying me as a weak broken person. I am not that person anymore. I am wiser, stronger and have moved forward into a new life. My love for you all has never changed. You are all on your own paths with choices to make and I can only hope that you continue to make the best decisions possible for your future. I’m sorry that you have all been heart broken in different ways. I only hope your hearts will one day be completely whole again.

Always remember I love you each and every day Xxxx

When I think about Christmas.

This year travelled along very quickly and we sit on the verge of another brand spanking NEW YEAR !!!

Before I get ahead of myself, Christmas is waiting around the corner to be celebrated first. I must admit my first Christmas back in 2016 was the most difficult emotionally after our family broke up and with another Christmas in between being 2017, I have sprung back to enjoying Christmas again.

Christmas 2018.

Two Christmas’s ago I felt very sad, missed my adult children and was grieving over a broken family. It was the toughest Christmas I’ve ever experienced. As I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog it is all the FIRST’S that are the hardest when life has bought about a huge change. I’ve always known that change is not my favourite experience. It throws me off somewhat and depending upon the extent of the change determines how much it affects me.

As any mum I love all of my children and it is in this area I have been forced to let go and accept that Christmas will always be different now. Not all my adult children live close by, two of them are a 16 hour drive away. I miss them all the time. Of course my adult children were always going to grow up and leave home eventually and the eldest was already living away from home when our family broke up however it usually happens slowly. This allows time for the mum to accept it and grieve. When our family broke up it was overnight, no warning with no time to get ready emotionally.

It was on that night and in that moment I had to make a choice. The choice I took led me out the doors of the house we had just moved into and led me out of a very unhealthy 27 year marriage. I had to leave my adult children behind to save myself. I took my youngest with me and knew that this was going to be very hard for everyone.

As we are all on the verge of Christmas 2018 I am thankful that I made that choice. I can look back to where I was and appreciate living a healthy life. I love my new life. I no longer need to live on egg shells or cope with anxiety most days. I am experiencing a whole new world of healthy.

It is important to recognise what healthy looks like. We are happy to recognise the need to be healthy physically however often overlook what healthy is in our relationships. Unhealthy relationships impact psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I’m not talking about the little arguments couples have, I’m talking about mistreatment. Mistreatment that continues year after year.

It’s the mistrust, hurtful behaviour, manipulation, neglect, selfishness, sarcasm, emotional abuse and for some physical abuse. We often hear about this happening not realising how very real it is and how much it hurts people. No person on the planet deserves this form of treatment. If someone truly loves you they will not treat you that way, that is not love. A person who carries out this type of behaviour has deep issues and you will never be able to fix them.

SHOULD by some miracle that person sort themselves out and get better it will be too late as the damage is done and you will never trust them again. They have wounded you.

This Christmas when we celebrate lets not ignore the people around us as they could be dealing with something very painful. Christmas has a way of reminding us about the people we truly care about. Some of those people may live far away or may have even moved on into eternity.

If you know deep down that your relationship is very unhealthy and you are hurting more than anyone knows, remember that regardless of how scary it might be to reach out to others you cant do this alone. Its not your fault and you don’t deserve to be treated badly. If someone close to you was being treated very badly in a relationship would you accept that? If not then why would you allow someone to treat YOU badly? (food for thought)

WISHING YOU ALL A SAFE AND LOVELY CHRISTMAS 🙂


Posted in Healing Process

Forgive, forget not.

For those of you who have read my blogs over the past year you would be familiar with all the various challenges and stages I have walked through or rather at times moved at snail’s pace to get to the next day. You yourself may connect with my blogs as perhaps you have or are experiencing truly tough life circumstances, which is one of the reasons I decided to start writing in the first place. To not only help myself to process life with all its challenges but to use my pain and growth for good purposes. If it helps someone it is all worth the effort. In no way do I profess to have all the right answers and we each go through different situations.
What works for me may not work for you!
It’s not so much that I write to give the answers, I write to share my journey with life so others don’t feel alone. I write to breathe hope. To shed light. To let individuals, know that if I can get through it, they can too!
Today I am writing about forgiveness. ♥
This past week has been another one of those very trying and difficult times. Not only have I been battling some sort of virus in my body which has put me out of work now for four days, last weekend I had to meet with my ex-husband for the first time in over one year.
The shear thought initially had me very vulnerable and sensitive. The week prior to seeing him I was experiencing all sorts of emotions. It didn’t seem to make sense. Why was I experiencing so much emotion when I had thought it was already dealt with?
Perhaps it was the unknown.

How was I going to react seeing him especially after everything that has happened?
Was I going to react angry? Sad?
The reality is I was with this person for 27 years and had five children.
It was a special family occasion that put me in the situation of having to see him again.
No amount of psyching myself up was going to help me.
Prior to seeing him as I mentioned I was very sensitive. I went through a series of thoughts, emotions, worries and even regrets.
The moment arrived in which I was in the same room as him. It was perhaps one of the most surreal and awkward times of my life. It was as though a dead person came back to life and they were now in the same room as me.
As I was in what you can call my own ‘safety bubble’ at the time I was unable to notice my young son’s reaction to seeing his own dad after having had no contact with him for the whole time. Prior to the day I had encouraged my young son in coming along as he too was apprehensive. It was not my young sons fault that he hadn’t had contact with his dad nor was it mine. I explained to him that another year on and it will be virtually impossible for him to meet up with his dad. Not the ideal situation by any means.
Amongst family in the same room I stood there with my ex-husband breathing the same air as me. At first, I found it difficult to look his way. Slowly I got braver and could take short glimpses of the man I was married too. Each glimpse was confronting. Each glimpse brought back pain and hurt. Each glimpse touched on sad places in my heart. Each glimpse reminded me that our marriage was over.
WOW!
Then the time came for our first conversation face to face.
It was during our conversation that the reality of our marriage being over was hitting me. We were such separate people now. Any connection we may have had was completely broken. We were like old friends from times past who were having a conversation and catching up on each other’s past year.
There was no topic off limits. We talked about everything.
While in the back of my mind I remembered everything that he had put me through I was able to come to a place in which I told him that ‘I can forgive him’. I choose to forgive him. In the next sentence, I had to let him know that while I forgive him I won’t be able to forget. That as a person I have grown so much and recognised what I want and what I don’t want and what is healthy and what is not.
This sequence of events has helped me heal some more.
Despite the harsh reality of a broken family something has shifted in that I can talk to him without animosity or resentment. I can talk confidently. For the sake of all our children and especially the youngest there is now room for Dad to be in their life if he chooses to be.
This past week I have learnt to FORGIVE.
To GRIEVE again.
To ACCEPT what is.

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Is there ever a ‘right time?’

We all need purpose in life!  Having a dream to do something significant with where your passion is gets you to the place of fulfilling your purpose. Having dreams and passions is not enough. It would be great if your dreams came knocking at the door one day and said “hey we are here to fulfil your purpose”.  How easy would that be? Obviously too easy! Life never happens like that. There are always steps we need to take to get there. The steps however small they are lead you to your purpose. Purpose is never all wrapped up and ready to go it takes time to piece together.

When I was younger I had a few dreams and it has taken a journey of a couple of decades to get to where I am today. Where I am today is still far from my dreams however I am closer to them now then a couple of decades ago.

Having had five children and being passionate about mum hood   was a priority that I valued and still value. Once upon a time I had four children less than four years of age. I was in my mid-twenties and at that age it was do-able. My husband worked and I stayed at home doing what mums do; taking care of little ones. YES it was very hectic and exhausting on certain days however I loved every bit of it. It is such a rewarding experience to be pregnant and then give birth to a gorgeous baby with a personality of their own. Each of my five children is unique and diverse in their abilities.

In the middle of the baby season in my life I still had dreams for myself. While I sort of stuck my toe out the door a little bit from time to time it was always the children that took first place in my life. It was something I couldn’t change if I wanted too! They were my priority and I loved it.

After the birth of my fifth child at the age of 37 I was still going through the ‘midlife crisis’ season. We moved to a new state that was incredibly hot and humid in summer and quite isolating from family. This probably did not lessen the pain in that season but perhaps made it worse, I will never know.

As I was coming out of the ‘midlife crisis’ I was aware that there was a dream in my heart still to be accomplished except I had no idea what it looked like as an older person. It was easier to dream when I was younger. When you are young the future looks bright and exciting! I had put my dreams on hold in my younger days to be a mum.♥

So here I was about to turn 43 and wondering what the next phase of my life looked like. I still had a young one to take care of and four teenager/adults living in the house as well. Plenty of housework and duties to perform kept me very busy. Within the busyness there was a nudging taking place on the inside of me. The nudge was begging for attention.

As an introvert and detailed person I usually like to have everything in place before I take something on. I am also someone who likes to feel, I’m very sensitive to emotion. So before taking a step it needs to feel right. A woman’s feelings change from day to day so to rely on those for timing could result in procrastination (which I was also very good at)!

When the nudging started to happen I was in my early forties and coming out of my ‘midlife crisis’, this perhaps put me into an advantage. In the forties one begins to realise that time is running out so there is no time to waste. Evidently this is what happened to me. All of my excuses for any delay in taking steps were no longer valid as I was faced with the realisation that I had less time to feel right. In other words I was not getting any younger.

While my dream was ultimately to help people  it had changed a little in direction. When I was younger the idea of studying psychology was as far away as the last planet is in the solar system from earth. Very average high school grades and a complete lack of interest in school was a true motivator against doing any further study!

One day as I was ‘googling’ options on the internet the words “psychology” came up. The idea of a psychology course was starting to spark interest. As I read more information about the course I decided that NOW was the right time to start. I recognised that if I were to put off taking the step another year then that would be another year I could not get back and that one day I would be able to say  I have finished the course.

Every step counts when you make a decision to head towards your dream. As you journey along you may find that the direction changes a little or you may recognise other areas of interest that perhaps would not have been highlighted to you unless you had taken that first step.

The psychology course has opened up an interest for me in ‘writing’. I recognise that I am not the best writer and have much to learn however I am passionate about connecting with people on a heart level and injecting them with inspiration! My writing is not intellectual head knowledge it is all based on heart. While my psychology course uses words that I have never heard of, my writing is simple and easy to understand on PURPOSE.  The inspiration comes from journeys that I have personally travelled through and have a desire to let others know that they are never alone and that in fact others have also been where they are.

What steps could you take towards your dreams?