ReLax, sit back and chiLL.

Some of us are born fighters! We hold tight for DEAR LIFE when there is a chance of losing something or someone. Sometimes we hold on as though we are clinging to our own lives unable to let go for fear of dying. It can be impossible to fathom letting a situation escape from our hands and minds to just work itself out in due course. To allow this process requires letting go and believing its all going to work out the way that it should.

The reality is that we will face situations we have no control over no matter what we try and DO or SAY or even CONTROL.

We hold on so terribly tight that we lose sleep only to drain our energy, keeping us from what we should be focusing on. No one likes to experience loss and the pain that follows.

ITS BLOODY SCARY SOMETIMES :O

The fact is that we will all lose something at some point. Loss may happen several times in our lives.

I for one can understand the fear of loss. It can be very scary and painful all at the same time. When you have lost the first time you try your best to never lose again. When we are ruled by fear of loss there are various ways in which we may behave. Some people become controlling. The fear drives them to keep tabs on every aspect of a situation with an effort to ensure any outcome goes in their favour. For a situation to go differently can make controlling people very uncomfortable. To be so invested and desperate by controlling will not work in your favour, ever!

Opposite of that approach is settling in life. We decide to settle to keep ourselves comfortable. We don’t grow we stay put. We tip toe through life taking no chances in moving forward. We convince ourselves that moving forward presents too many risks. Our previous failures are carved into our memory making it difficult at times to ignore or move past.

The good part about growing up and getting older is that you have learnt what did not work in the past and there is a determination to approach situations very differently. Growing up is a process. There isn’t any short cuts to figuring things out. Sometimes we learn our best lessons through our mistakes.

Its good to think back to previous situations and consider if holding extremely tight to a person or a situation changed anything?

Did any of that stress or worry or control benefit anyone?

I used to be such a worrier. I worried about everything you can imagine. I worried well before any situation arrived and had gone through every possible scenario in my head as to what could possibly happen next. All of my worry was wasted. It didn’t help me one bit. It didn’t fix anything or change anything. I can still move into a place of worry however it doesn’t last long and is no where near as intense as it used to be.

I’ve learnt to let go and let things be….. and I’m talking about all the areas of life I have no control over. I’m settled within myself that it doesn’t matter what people do or don’t do, this no longer affects me in the same way. It doesn’t ruin my sleep or wreck my entire week. I have learnt that people will do what they want to do. I have no control over their decisions or their behaviour. I’ve learnt that the people who really value me will naturally stick by me and I have no need to be fearful or overly worried about others. I don’t put overwhelming expectations on anyone anymore.

People come and people go, people change and we change. Situations change and life changes.

Regardless of what happens around me it doesn’t need to rule my moods or my own value. I am who I am and I know my value. I am happy with who I am and I have no need to impress anyone or to try and influence a persons decision should it involve me.

To get to this place is freeing and liberating. It takes the stress off you and off others.

With all this in mind for the New Year remember you cannot control other people or the circumstances that can come our way of which we have no control over.

Continue being the best version of yourself, sit back, relax and chill.

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Swimming with the current

For as long as I have known myself fighting against the current is typical. I have never found myself literally stuck in a current out at sea however I have heard the warnings time and time again that if you fight against it you can lose your strength and face drowning. The idea is that if you find yourself caught in a current you are better off to  keep calm and swim along with it. The sheer thought of being stuck in a current freaks me out, let alone the thought of just letting yourself go with it.

It is for this reason and one other that I tend to keep the water level at my knees when I go to the beach.  The other reason that keeps me closer to shore is one afternoon as a teenager I went out a little deeper than usual whilst at the beach and was suddenly hit by a wave. The wave took me under and had my face smelling and tasting sand for what felt like forever. It was the scariest moment! Once I landed like a beached whale on shore my swim wear were not doing their job. It was humiliating.

Ever since that fateful day  I have played it safe closer to shore. Occasionally going a little deeper but mostly keeping away from sudden waves.

In life though just like everyone else, I don’t have the ability to keep myself safe from waves that hit. There is no telling at times when a strong current is going to come along and try and drown the life right out of me.

When difficulties arrive I tend to put on my internal fighting gloves and start fighting. I start fighting against everything out of my control. I may start to blame myself and harass my own brain with all of the what if’s?

Whether it is conflict with someone or trying difficult circumstances I tend to start using all of my own strength to try and make everything better. I hate difficulties and troubles.

Eventually when I wake up to the fact that I’m burning myself out,  I realise that there are just some things in life out of my control and I need to be reminded that occasionally LIFE just HAPPENS.

Life happens! Hurt happens! Conflict happens!

If life was up to me I would remove ALL of the painful and difficult trials.

It has taken me years to learn that there are battles I don’t have the strength to fight. There are battles that even if I were equipped with strength and power, no amount of my own efforts or energy was going to change the situation.

Personally I prefer life when it’s running smoothly. As it seems in those times I am able to be my best self. By best I mean relaxed, happy, motivated, driven and possibly more enjoyable to be around as a person.

I’m someone that likes to know where she is headed. When I am stuck in a current and quite a strong one at that it is difficult to remain calm. I have no idea where I am headed and every fear imaginable creeps into my mind.

It is a true testing time. It’s almost like an opportunity to remind yourself of all the other lessons in life you have learned OR it could be an opportunity to learn some new ones.

Have you ever been like me and wondered why someone couldn’t just put all of your answers on a piece of paper, how much easier would that be?

Recently I came across this quote:

 I believe in the sun

Even if it isn’t shining,

I believe in love

Even when I’m alone,

I believe in God even when He is silent…..

 

I love this quote as it reminds us to keep believing despite the absence we face at times.

In the midst of life’s currents we do lose sight of all the good things in life. The focus tends to be directed at getting through without drowning. It may not be the sea water you are grasping to stay afloat on but your emotions, thoughts and endless sea of doubts and questions.

It really is a time in which your feet are not on solid ground, but are swept up and all of you is desperately searching for somewhere to settle those feet again so that you can feel safe.

When we find ourselves trying to stay afloat in a current my own revelations have led me to believe that perhaps it is a time of change. I’m often someone who doesn’t go out of their way to create change it usually has to happen without my consent for it to take place.

My swept up self may end up being somewhere she had not planned to be if it were up to her. Yet here she is.

It is only after your feet finally settle somewhere that you can look back and recognise the answers to your WHY’s?, eventually….perhaps?

Storms, waves and currents tend to stir up everything around you. It is going to take time for things to settle. In that settling process things may end up being elsewhere. This creates change.

Anything shaken has the potential of changing position.

It was only this week that a friend of mine told me of her shock one morning when she arrived at work to news that the company has been bought out and will close down in under two months. It was unexpected and distressing for all of those employees. Each of them will find themselves navigating change in their lives when it comes to employment. My friend had been an employee in that company for 15 years. Suddenly her feet are uprooted not by her choice but someone else’s, completely out of her control.

If you are suddenly swept up by a current remember that those feet will settle again. Currents are scary and strong and at the same time teach you to remain calm in life. It is easier said than done yet there is no point using up all of your energies fighting against something that is out of your control.

Keep believing when all the answers are unseen and unknown.

You may even feel like a beached whale, however get up again and keep walking.

 Don’t worry about what others think!

Most importantly it is about not drowning or wearing yourself out,

 in the words of Dory “just keep Swimming”.

 ♥