What’s NOT in your control….

Just imagine for a moment a world in which everything was running smoothly. No bumps on the road called LIFE! People were nice to each other all of the time. Respect, trust, honesty and love roamed the streets 24/7 with the same intensity as peak hour traffic in some of the busiest cities around the world. This type of a world would create rare sightings of the elderly seen struggling to carry their heavy grocery shopping to the bus stop by themselves. Perhaps the forgotten SMILE would become the latest trend sending beauty parlours broke, people no longer relying on expensive treatments to be beautiful. Shoppers would give way to each other while the worker behind the checkout acknowledges each customer with enthusiasm and genuine consideration. There would be less murder, crime, divorce, anguish, depression, isolation, loneliness, anger, jealousy, rage and so on.

What would your perfect world look like?

It isn’t possible to experience a perfect world in which everyone including ourselves live perfectly. This type of perfect world simply doesn’t exist. The fact of the matter is its people that make up the world in the first place. We all know that people don’t always consider respect, trust, honesty and love to be that important. Some people put themselves as number one! In that case there is no consideration of how their actions or behaviour affects another person. We all have the same potential of thinking only of ourselves rather than thinking through how our actions may impact someone else. We may occasionally slip up and then make adjustments after we realise our mistakes. Generally we all learn from our mistakes. As we travel through life we start figuring out what NOT to do. Then there are people that never learn from their mistakes, always blaming others for issues that stem from their behaviour.

Most of us realise that if we want ‘our world’ to be peaceful and loving we need to be conscious of how to live our lives in such a way that creates this experience. The only control we have is over our own actions and choices. If we want to have friends and long lasting relationships we treat people accordingly. Simply put you are not going to have many people wanting to hang around you if all you do is leave them feeling hurt. Of course there is an element of hurt that happens from time to time in any relationship which is how they usually grow and move forward. However, if on every encounter the main entertainment is ‘hurt’ then I would say it was time to reconsider the dynamics of that relationship.

We cannot control other people’s choices or behaviour as much as we cannot control the weather! On a rainy day we do have the control of using our umbrellas so we don’t get soaking wet. If you happen to live in a very cold climate during winter you have the control to put on plenty of clothing to keep you warm. In contrast if you happen to live in a HOT climate the less clothing the better! We dress according to the weather. We may choose to use the air conditioner to cool things down at home on a hot humid day. Or on those cold days sit in front of a nice warm fire place drinking a nice warm cup of your favourite drink.

In other words no matter what the weather throws our way we have the control of making our own environment whatever we want it to be in order to live comfortably and happy.

It’s the same with people! We can’t control what they do or don’t do BUT we can control how we live our lives thereby creating a peaceful environment. When someone hates on you like pelting hail you can choose to move by taking cover. You separate yourself from them by getting out of harm’s way. If someone in your life suddenly becomes icy cold towards you then you have the choice to control how you respond in order to stop your own heart from freezing over. When I think about an angry person I associate that to the hot sun, these days people avoid getting sun burnt knowing the risks and dangers we are regularly informed of. I’m not talking about someone who has had a bad day and gotten angry and frustrated. I’m talking about someone who has anger issues. Someone that lashes out verbally on a regular basis or worse becomes violent. It is never right for someone to treat another person with that type of physical or emotional harm. Again you have no control over a person that behaves in that way BUT you do have the control of walking away and looking after yourself in order to avoid potential danger or harm.

No matter the weather forecast or a person’s behaviour we have the choice of creating our own ‘peace filled world’ each and every day.

We can choose to be happy despite our circumstances or environment. It’s a matter of letting go of that which we can’t control. That can be difficult for some people. The idea of letting go has always been something I’ve had to work on over the years. I’ve never been one for handling situations outside of my control. It was only a few years back that I finally settled things within myself and recognised that people will do whatever they want. That I shouldn’t take it personally or to heart when someone chooses to do something that may hurt. That it is not my fault. If I’ve done all that I know to do then the other person has the same possibility of doing the right thing. If they choose not to then ‘it’s outside my control’.

Life is going to happen whichever way it will as much as the weather is going to happen however it chooses.

Know when to enjoy the sunshine and dance in the rain. Let go of what you can’t control and live a life free from other people’s behaviours good or bad, hot or cold.


By Anu mari ~ The Change that Changes You

A mother of five, working full-time and enjoy writing blogs which are inspired by my own journey. A journey filled with ups and downs and many lessons. Life is filled with change. We will be faced with change we cant control and the change we can which comes down to our choices and the decisions we make. Sometimes we put decisions off hoping things will change and then they don't. That's when we need to decide?

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