Probably one of the most difficult aspects of life is accepting that another person or human being can choose to make decisions that hurt you. That no matter how hard you may try to do things right or morally correct does not guarantee the same in return.
We often like to believe the best of people.
We assume that others carry with them the same values and duty of care that we hold onto and believe in. Until the day when you realise it simply is not the truth nor the reality.
Your suddenly met with more let downs and disappointment.
It’s so unimaginable to accept that another human being just like yourself could be so against doing the right thing.
How do they live with themselves you wonder?
Is it possible that another human being can be so hard on the inside they have no feelings at all? If only the world were filled with people who did the right thing!
The fact of the matter is the world isn’t like that. Our own world isn’t like that. There are people in our circles who only have one person on their mind and that is themselves.
Yes, people can be very selfish.
By nature, I am a softy. I don’t like being tough when I need to be. Which has worked against me over the years and kept me in an unhealthy marriage. Even my sensitive nature couldn’t stop me from coming to my limits. I finally came to that place in which I took the opportunity and walked out. It was one of the hardest moments I have ever come across in life.
I had to save myself.
Over one year later here I am navigating another obstacle. While I am no longer in a marriage I am still partially reliant on the decisions they make. Those decisions affect me financially. My job doesn’t pay a lot per hour and I am already working five days a week during school hours. Up until this week what has helped me is receiving payments for my 10-year-old from the government. It isn’t a lot however it adds to what I am earning and takes the edge off a little. Unfortunately, this week that payment has been stopped. No fault of mine. I’m now being penalised for another human being’s choices of which I have no control. Despite my best efforts at explaining what has happened to my ex no responsibility has been accepted by them. It not only affects me it affects their child. My ex is living the high life with no responsibility of looking after or paying for children. They have the freedom of working as many hours as they so wish. Here I am having started with nothing over a year ago doing everything I can possible to make life work and now I am faced with more struggle.
All I have ever hoped for was just the bare minimum of assistance from them which I don’t dictate but the government does. My best efforts at communicating have not produced anything but excuses and silence.
It is so unbelievably difficult comprehending another person’s actions or lack thereof when it comes to these types of situations. How does a father take no responsibility?
My previous blog I talked about having forgiven but not forgotten. It is times like this you remind yourself why you left in the first place.
Nothing has changed.
They haven’t changed.
They are still the same person by actions.
A person can apologise to you a thousand times yet if they keep hurting you by their actions then it is time to look after yourself.
When I was in the marriage I thought I was doing the right thing accepting their apologies repeatedly. In normal situations that’s what people should do. However not all situations are normal. Not all people or relationships are normal or healthy for that matter.
I lived in denial for so many years.
Over a year later and having not been with them since, nothing has changed. If they didn’t care when married why would they care when you’re no longer with them.
Accepting these facts can be so hard.
One of my short falls is believing that other people carry the same values as me. That if I would do my best to do the right thing then they will too.
There comes a point in life when you must accept the facts! Or else you will continue living in a situation which is causing you damage more than you may realise.
Not everyone in life is going to do the right thing by you.
Don’t do what I did and keep going for 27 years hoping to change someone for the better.
You can’t change them.
When the facts are staring at you in the face, face them. Believe the facts they don’t lie. A person can sound like they are convincing with their apologies or their intentions yet when their actions are always opposite there comes a time in which you must save yourself.
It isn’t you, its them.
4 replies on “It’s not you, its them…”
Yes Anu again as always wise words from constant ongoing pain and suffering.
I pray each and every day that your life finally becomes blessed once again and that you longer need to have to go through anymore pain and suffering…
Im sure it will just another obstacle to get through!
Thank you again for sharing ANU, it’s very confirming for me,just one more hurdle to freedom.Love and hugs to you,one step at a time.I try to tell myself that but feel like I am a punching bag being hit every other day with some outrageous ,selfish,insensitive,self serving decision.One foot in front of the other to get each decision and step forward completed.It is in Gods hands and timing
🙂 Always happy that some positive can come from my experiences. Your never alone!!!