This past 11 months have gone by so quickly. I haven’t been working due to a workplace injury, not the physical kind, a psychological one. I guess you could say I have been working on myself to try and heal, to get stronger again. Psychological injuries are stubborn and hard to overcome.

In my life I have only had one physical injury when I fractured my foot, six weeks in a moon boot and back on my feet again. I have dealt with thyroid cancer, having had my thyroid gland completely removed replaced by medication. The medication acts as the thyroid hormone I no longer have available to me naturally. Which often causes issues with my body that I have to deal with as best as I can when the hormones aren’t doing what they need to be doing.

My past is full of psychological warfare, it’s as though I was destined to battle with people who are ruthless, mean, cold, lacking empathy, bullying behaviours, manipulative, silently abusive or in your face abusive. I haven’t been physically abused but verbally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. Controlled and manipulated.

My biggest question has been, Why Me? What is it that brings people into my circle who behave this way. The people that have no regard for their hurtful behaviours. In the past I justified the behaviours of these type of people putting myself in harms way because I cared too much. I used to be a very compassionate person, filled with empathy and wanting to fix the whole world. It came at a cost. I couldn’t see how much damage it was doing to me.

My self esteem was slowly being chipped away, my sense of purpose was never about me. I lost myself, my voice, my decision making, my confidence and awareness. I felt so weak and unable to stand on my own two feet until one day I woke up. I realised the hurtful treatment I was allowing needed to stop.

It then sent me on another path to build my life from the beginning, starting with very little money. I worked hard for years. I lost more then I thought I would in the process of re-building. While life was beginning to make sense giving me more control of where I was headed, as a mum it has been very painful. Over a period of time I lost the close connection I had with two of my boys.

I’ve had a few jobs over the years since rebuilding my life and each one of course had their challenges. Something you can’t get away from. This last job in 2025 went to the extreme, an unhealthy environment, unsafe, incorporated with bullying behaviours. I tried very hard to keep my head up throughout the year however my body and mind said NO!!!.

11 months on and I am shifting through the rubble of my whole entire life. It started with the original workplace injury to having so much time on my hands that I can’t ignore everything else that has been weighing on my heart since I can remember. Each day I get up and hope for the best. It can be a very lonely time even in the most healthiest of relationships with my current husband of nearly 5 years. Who has been my biggest support!

The psychological impact has filtered through to my physical body due to all of the stress involved this year. I am 56 years old and some days feel like 86. At this point my main focus is to continue in the treatments available to me. Work through my pain. Enjoy the good days.

Where this journey will end I am not really sure, however I have no doubt that I will have at least lost some emotional baggage along the way. That my body will recover from the aftermath and once again I will make my way through this world as a better version of myself. Perhaps I will be better equipped to handle hard situations in the future. Another layer of strength, understanding and courage. Courage to voice my concerns earlier then later. To be better at communicating instead of cowering silently into myself when a situation feels unsafe.

Perhaps everything does happen for a reason?