Countless times I have found myself questioning a person’s actions or a life event that has taken place.
As humans we like to make sense of things.
We grapple to understand the decisions we or others make when the outcomes are far from what was expected.
We often hear people say; why would they do that?
What were they thinking?
OR what was I thinking when I took that path in life?
Does anybody know what they are doing?
Perhaps at times we say yes to something we should have said no too or vice versa.
In a short fleeting moment, we make decisions.
We jump at the chance!
The chance to be happy, in love, living a career filled life, fulfilling goals, getting married, have children, buy that car, go on a date, jump on a plane and travel, sign up for study at a university, move countries, take up a business, visit that person, attend a concert or settle down for a peaceful existence.
These options and many more are a part of life and make sense.
The no sense happens when things don’t work out the way we thought they would.
Sometimes we work hard to try and make it work and yet despite all the effort it fails.
When I think about the areas in my life that have changed direction or have not turned out the way I thought they would I recognise plenty of areas that make no sense.
As I consider these areas, I realise that even though they don’t make sense as a person I have grown more than I can imagine.
This growth has helped me to stand on my own two feet.
No longer do I put all my reliance onto one person. I don’t need too. As I’ve learnt that people change, and people make decisions which are not always going to have your best interest in mind. These people might be very significant in your life at the time, but it doesn’t guarantee anything. There can be so many factors involved when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to.
Its not all simple and straight forward.
When we are dealing with people we are dealing with their past experiences, personalities, culture, moods, values and their priorities. All these factors carry influence.
People are very complex.
When we see a person, we don’t see what has shaped them into who they are. The truth of the matter is that sometimes people are going to make a choice which doesn’t make sense.
When I think back to all the no sense areas of my life, I see connections.
For example; when I was in the very unhealthy marriage, I decided to start studying psychology. I was nearly half way through the studies when life changed completely. This meant that the study has not moved forward very far from where I left due to all the changes that came about. Such as needing to find employment to support myself financially. Despite the frustration of the study not moving forward the way I would have liked, my job has me sitting with people all day long who are going through very difficult times in their life. Some of these people are single mothers who have come out of very difficult relationships. All the NO SENSE areas of my life are very useful in these situations as I can connect with these mothers and support them in a way which I would not have been able to had I not gone through a similar experience. Out of all the pain and failure I have experienced I am empathetic and understanding with the people I see each day at work. These people appreciate being listened too and I can build a connection in a genuine way. I often get told that they love talking to me and that they feel comfortable.
While in this role I am not employed to be a counsellor I have been presented with opportunities to make a positive difference in people’s lives. At the same time, it continues to fuel my passion of completing my studies and to be employed in an area which I can make even more of a difference.
The reality is not everything is going to make sense in life. We can’t stop making decisions out of fear that its not going to work out. Some of the best thought out business plans fail. You may think you have it all covered and yet it doesn’t go to plan.
All the NO SENSE experiences we have are a part of the journey.
Its not always going to make sense.
Our brains are not going to understand everything all the time.
And that’s OK.
It doesn’t mean things wont work out in the long run. How long that takes we never know, we just got to keep on moving, keep on making decisions and taking steps. Should a significant person in your life make a decision which alters your world, don’t fret your life will still move forward with or without them.
All the failures and successes we have in life make us who we are so don’t get caught up on everything that doesn’t seem to be working well right now. It is a bit like a dot to dot puzzle. Once the dots are matched up the overall picture makes more sense.