It wont always make sense.

Countless times I have found myself questioning a person’s actions or various life situations when it has made NO SENSE to me.

As humans in some way or another we like to make sense of it all.

Do we ever get there?

When we struggle to understand the decisions, we or others make its normal to consider why it makes NO SENSE especially when the outcome is so different to what was expected.

We often hear people say, “why would they do that?” … “what were they thinking?” …. “what was I thinking when I took that path in life?”

Do any one of us really know what we are doing?

Perhaps at times we say YES to something we should have said NO too or vice versa.

In a short fleeting moment, we make decisions.

We jump at the chance!

The chance to be happy, in love, living a career filled life, fulfilling goals, get married, have children, buy that car, go on a date, jump on a plane and travel, sign up for study at a university, move countries, take up a business, visit that person, attend a concert or settle down for a peaceful existence.

These options and many more are a part of life and make sense.

The NO SENSE happens when things don’t work out the way we thought they would.
Sometimes we work hard to try and make IT work and yet despite all the effort IT fails.

When I think about the areas in my life that have changed direction or have not turned out the way I thought they would I recognise plenty of areas which make NO SENSE.
At the same time as I think about these areas, I realise that even though they don’t make sense as a person I have grown more than I can imagine.

This growth has helped me to stand on my own two feet.

No longer do I put all my reliance onto one person. I don’t need too. As I’ve learnt that people change, and people make decisions which are not always going to have your best interest in mind. These people might be very significant in your life at the time, but it doesn’t guarantee anything. There can be so many factors involved when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to.

Its not all simple and straight forward.

When we are dealing with people we are dealing with their past experiences, personalities, culture, moods, values and their priorities. All these factors carry influence.

People are very complex.

When we look at a person, we don’t see what has made that person the person they are today. The truth of the matter is that sometimes people are going to make a choice which doesn’t make sense. It may make no sense to you or even to themselves.

When I think back to all the NO SENSE areas of my life, I can see certain connections.
For example; when I was in the very unhealthy marriage, I decided to start studying psychology. I was nearly half way through the studies when life changed completely. This meant that the study has not moved forward very far from where I left due to all the changes that came about. Such as needing to find employment to support myself financially. Despite the frustration of the study not moving forward the way I would have liked, my job has me sitting with people all day long who are going through very difficult times in their life. Some of these people are single mothers who have come out of very difficult relationships. All the NO SENSE areas of my life are very useful in these situations as I can connect with these mothers and support them in a way which I would not have been able to had I not gone through a similar experience. Out of all the pain and failure I have experienced I am empathetic and understanding with the people I see each day at work. These people appreciate being listened too and I can build a connection in a genuine way. I often get told that they love talking to me and that they feel comfortable.

While in this role I am not employed to be a counsellor I have been presented with opportunities to make a positive difference in people’s lives. At the same time, it continues to fuel my passion of completing my studies and to be employed in an area which I can make even more of a difference.

The reality is not everything is going to make sense in life. We can’t stop making decisions out of fear that its not going to work out. Some of the best thought out business plans fail. You may think you have it all covered and yet it doesn’t go to plan.

All the NO SENSE experiences we have are a part of the journey.

Its not always going to make sense.

Our brains are not going to understand everything all the time.

And that’s OK.

It doesn’t mean things wont work out in the long run. How long that takes we never know, we just got to keep on moving, keep on making decisions and taking steps. Should a significant person in your life make a decision which alters your world, don’t fret your life will still move forward with or without them.

All the failures and successes we have in life make us who we are so don’t get caught up on everything that doesn’t seem to be working well right now. It is a bit like a dot to dot puzzle. Once the dots are matched up the overall picture makes more sense.

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B R A V E your way through it.

Its been forever since I last blogged. When I originally started blogging I was on a mission to make sure I got a blog in each week, which then turned into monthly and now it seems that I have missed a month or two ….

My kids, boyfriend, family, work and commitments have filled in every spare moment I seem to have these days so blogging has slipped to the bottom of the list.

The calendar on my kitchen wall gets marked off each day and it literally seems as though I am turning over each new month very quickly. At work I feel as though I am saying Oh its Wednesday today then suddenly BAMM its Friday!!! No complaint there as I love FRIDAYS!!!!

The month of September has included 4 family birthdays and 2 of them were my own children. In the month of September I had one of those OFF weeks!!!

AND for some unknown reason the OFF week consisted of not one but several events which happened at the same time. As the old saying goes “it doesn’t rain it pours”…

We may find ourselves dealing with the pressure of   w o r k , our  e m o t i o n s , other  p e o p l e and it ALL meshes together creating a ball we just wish we could pick up and throw out the window as far away as possible. 

I cant pick and choose what my day, week or month will look like.

Unlike online shopping in which we can pick and choose with the option of returning the goods when they don’t meet the standard we thought we were going to get.

Last month I had ONE DAY which happened to have three situations happening at the same time. There were no options to return the goods. It was quite the emotional roller coaster demanding bravery. All I could think of was “more bravery”, really again, haven’t I had to be brave enough already.  Despite the sadness and nerves on that day I got through it all surprisingly well….. Between me and you I think I was toughing it out on the actual day, as the next day my emotions got the better of me. All I wanted to do was go hide in a big deep and dark hole.

AND YET….

Life demanded that I get up and go to work!!!

I truly believe that as we venture through life’s ups and downs we are strengthened and equipped with tools for the next journey that comes around.

There is no possible way I could have imagined what life had in store for me… OR for my children. When I think back to some of the crazy situations I have been through I know that despite those situations being painful and wrong they created within me endurance, persistence and strength to get through the last two years.

I’ve learnt to stand on my own two feet and not put all my dependence on another person. Its as though I am more balanced. I can be happy being single or happy being in a relationship. I’ve learnt to shake things off!!! The industry I work in puts me into situations in which I have to deal with people who can be very agitated, angry or sad. I’ve learnt to remain calm, listen well and provide assistance in a very highly stressed environment.

B R A V E …

To be brave means you may still shake with nerves. You may also secretly plan an exit rather than face a situation head on. You may lose sleep. You may doubt yourself. You may have negative thoughts. You may believe life will never work out. You may experience anxiety. You may feel far from being brave.

BRAVE doesn’t remove all the maybe’s we feel. BRAVE doesn’t take away our vulnerabilities. BRAVE tells you: Hey you have been through hard stuff before you can get through this too! BRAVE has a proven track record which withstands the tests of time.

As we get through each of life’s situations we realise that B R A V E was there all along and remains with us forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve reached 100 blog’s #Celebrating!!!

Thanks WordPress for keeping tabs on how many blog posts I have published!

Each and every blog has been written to inspire, encourage, comfort and shed some light on what it is to take a step UP and out of a very unhealthy relationship….

It all started with VALUING myself. This allowed me to put a stop to what was a constant roller coaster ride of uncertainty.

HEALTHY LOVE builds you UP and doesn’t tear you down.

HEALTHY LOVE builds trust and respect.

HEALTHY LOVE creates a secure and safe place to communicate.

HEALTHY LOVE allows you to be yourself at all times with no fear of judgement.

HEALTHY LOVE listens to you.

HEALTHY LOVE never gives up on you.

HEALTHY LOVE is EQUAL.

 

Self-doubt …… I don’t like you ……

Self doubt has a habit of performing routine checks unannounced. Self doubt likes to interrupt the process of moving forward. Self doubt sends niggling thoughts your way with no particular schedule. It just turns up!!!

It seems as though you get through some super hard stuff in life and just as you think  your on your way to an amazing future filled with sunshine and lollipops, self doubt starts to rain on your party. It can start with a single negative episode. Whether it be at work and you feel as though you are not performing  your best on a given day and the world suddenly IS flat. Self doubt attempts to hijack any confidence you had in yourself.

Perhaps the bills $$$ are pouring in like large rain drops and you have no way of earning any more than you already do…this is super frustrating especially when you are the only income earner in the household. As a single parent on one income all you need is for the X to not do their part OR worse, have left you with debt you have no way of repaying and suddenly life which appeared to be doing well OK financially is going into slow motion again.

It is not easy to push past self doubt when circumstances are lining up with those niggling negative thoughts!

In July this year I will have been travelling the journey of single parent for two years. I started with nothing financially and have been climbing slowly since. I have obstacles to get through which are not my doing and are a bit of a hindrance to my moving forward. In these moments when it is ever so tempting to throw in the towel and wonder what the point is, I cant help but wonder what options do I have?

HOW do you just throw in the towel when you have come so far?

As a single parent there are moments of feeling completely alone despite the people you have in your world. Its all up to you to keep motivated and push through the barriers and obstacles.

This can be exhausting.

While there are areas of my life that are moving forward at a steady pace I am still faced with self doubt when circumstances are not as favourable as one would like them to be.

Perhaps there are areas in your life right now which are causing self doubt.

At the very least after reading my blog you are now aware of at least one other person who is also fighting self doubt.

My guess is that the two of us are not alone.

I don’t like interruptions at the best of times and I certainly am not a fan of self doubt.

I prefer progress over pain and yet it seems there will always be pain in order to progress.

As I have been whispering to myself lately to just keep going, I whisper to you today to do the same.

Keep going, one step in front of the other my friend!

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are Enough!

No one person can keep you happy or satisfied, the moment you realise that you can be happy with OR without a special someone is the moment your free to L♡VE completely with no FEAR.

You need to be Happy with yourself first otherwise you will hold on too tightly to people. The people that stay in your life do it because they want to and nothing can change that as much as nothing can keep them if they dont want to stay.

~ anumariblog.com

Warning: Life is not ‘Set in Stone’.

In June 2018 I will have lived in the capital city of Australia called Canberra for two years. I had grown up in Canberra since a five month old baby. Had completed school in Canberra, gotten married and had four of my five children. Back in 1997 we moved to Sydney followed with more relocations  which eventually had me living in Brisbane for 8 years. Canberra was a city I visited to spend time with my family.

Due to my visits to Canberra being fairly brief I never got a chance to see all the various suburbs to take much notice of all the changes that had happened in over 20 years.

20 Years is a long time!

The changes that I have noticed living back here in Canberra continue to amaze me.

The area I grew up in Canberra is called Belconnen. In Belconnen there is a shopping mall which I frequently walked through as I was heading to work as a young person brave enough to wear high heels every day!

I caught the bus from the suburb I grew up heading to the Belconnen Bus Interchange. The interchange looked like a big tunnel that was built high above the roads. I would walk that tunnel back and forth each day particularly when I worked in data entry as the office was at the other end of where the shopping mall was situated.

The tunnel was looking very old and worn over the years until it was eventually removed and the bus interchange had a major make over. It doesn’t look anything like it used too.

Then there are the suburbs that have grown dramatically filled with houses left, right and centre. Developers building and expanding the suburbs over the years  catering for the population growth.

Growth equals change.

Updates happen every day. Old buildings are pulled down and erected new. Roads are widened, highways are built. Even the playgrounds my kids enjoyed have been modernised. Speaking about modernised it was fairly recently that I was having an afternoon at Lake Burley Griffin. What surprised me was the public toilet!!! I felt as though I was walking into a space ship. It was so modern that you waved your hand over buttons to get things to turn on. As you walked in music started playing! I don’t know if there are other toilets like this around Canberra however a great example of how far things have come.

These changes we see around us are only a reflection of how much our lives change over time, nothing is ever ‘set in stone’.

Our children grow up and begin exploring the world creating their own families. We are constantly facing change and having to adapt to them.

The minute you settle thinking life couldn’t possibly change the smooth sailing lasts only a moment until something turns up to rock the boat!

Amidst these changes we must adapt to our new situations. Much the same way as the areas we live in are updated to adapt to the population growth or to being modernised, we will find ourselves having to change the way we have previously done things.

The person I was twenty years ago is not the same person I am today. A lot has changed. My circumstances have changed COMPLETELY.

When I was younger I didn’t give much thought to my decision making. I went with the flow, whatever felt right at the time. 20 years on I take my time and give a lot more thought to my decisions as experience has taught me that I’m best not to make decisions based solely on feelings. A good feeling doesn’t guarantee a good decision!

As a young person I ignored the facts and lived by my feelings. I have learnt to put my feelings aside and take a good hard look at the facts before I jump into anything too seriously. Feelings change however ‘facts’ don’t change.

My decision making process has evolved due to life lessons which have been my teacher. This is just one example of a personal change or rather a growth area of mine.

As life changes from moment to moment we need to change the way we do things. After all the various changes I have had over the years if I were to continue making decisions based on feelings as I did when I was younger I would find myself repeating the same mistakes.

As you get older you no longer have the energy to make the same mistakes. Mistakes are costly and we all make them. It is apart of the learning process of growing up.

We become smarter and wiser!

Much like old structures which over time start falling apart requiring a make over we too need a make over. If we think we can keep doing things the same way and never change or grow we will find ourselves stuck. You cant move forward when you are stuck.

There comes a time when you have to accept the facts!

If I were to continue living in the past remembering what it was like being a mum to five children wishing I was still there I would never move forward. The facts are that my children are no longer young. Four of them are adults. They don’t need me the same way they used to my level of care has changed. I’m here as a support whenever they need me!

BE encouraged, life will always be changing and you will find yourself needing to adapt and grow. Growth is good! Its healthy! Don’t stay stuck in the past as there is always something new and wonderful to look forward in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

Introducing my Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day …

Today on this special day I thought I would make it official to the whole wide world that I have been blessed with the most gorgeous man inside and out. He is continually surprising me on every level.

A true man with the most genuine and caring heart.

I never thought it could be possible to find someone who suits me perfectly.

Never Give Up!!!

Never settle for less than you deserve. Be patient and hold onto your true value and the right person will come into your life at the right time.

Sending my love out to the world on this Valentines Day!!!

 

Happy Weekend :)

Dear Blog Readers and Writers,

Another weekend is upon us,

a time to sit back and reflect on this past week.

Where ever you are in this big beautiful world,

I just want to say “Thank you” for taking the time to read the blogs I write.

Life is a journey we all take with its twists and turns.

Writing about ‘real life’ not only gives me an avenue to express my ‘real feelings, challenges, thoughts & breakthroughs’,

it allows me to reach out to the person on the other side of the world to let them know

life will get better !!! 🙂

Anu Mari 

What do you do when your stuck in bed? you write :)

SO this past four days I have been fighting hard against a virus. I was determined to beat it and got myself to work. However, this morning the virus WON! I have now surrendered, left work early and dropped into my comfy bed. I have entertained myself with Netflix long enough today and decided that since I have been incredibly busy this past year with work and my blogging has taken a bit of a backseat that I would WRITE A BLOG!
I started blogging about two years ago during a christmas break. I had time to think and put down my thoughts. The blogs began with inspirational stories of how I struggled with low self esteem as a teenager. I poured out my heart hoping that by being real others would stumble across my story igniting them with hope that they too could be free from feeling ugly and unwanted. I wrote about how the feeling of being ugly and unwanted was how I felt about myself not necessarily what others thought of me.
As I continued writing blogs each month I touched on various topics which resinated with my own personal struggles. Little did I know that in July 2016 my blogs would take on a whole new journey as I was on a whole new journey.
LIFE CHANGED BIG TIME!
For 27 years I was fighting hard to have a healthy marriage/relationship with my now ex-husband. Most people get married believing it will be forever…. By nature, I can be quite stubborn and determined. I was determined to make the marriage work. In no way do I declare myself to be a perfect person I have my flaws like everyone else. What I didn’t understand all those 27 years was that while I was fighting to have a great marriage I was fighting a losing battle. It didn’t matter what I did the core of our relationship was unhealthy.
We were both two broken young adults who got together, had five amazing children and lived in a toxic relationship for most of the time. I say most of the time as there were days which seemed happy and hopeful. Those happy and hopeful days quickly turned into dark and lonely days. It wasn’t enough that I wanted a great healthy marriage I had no control over how my ex husband was going to respond. Unfortunately, his responses were for the most part unhealthy causing a lot of grief and hurt (which you can read more about in previous blogs).
SO I gave in and stopped fighting for a healthy marriage. It was time to fight for myself. No person is strong enough to cope with unhealthy toxic relationships forever. There will come a day that if the relationship continues being destructive you must make a choice. There are only two choices. STAY OR LEAVE.
I FINALLY LEFT…
That decision had me starting life all over again with ZERO.
While dealing with grief and loss I picked myself back up and was accepted into employment. Employment = Finances. While the finances are not a lot they are enough to pay the bills, and keep a little aside for emergencies.
Since I hadn’t worked for quite some years due to being a house mum it was another battle to get through all the self-doubts that come your way when you start a new job. I stuck in there and continued going to work on days  I didn’t feel capable.

Nearly a year on I got a promotion!

All the hard work and growing that took place put me in a position in which I was ready to accept a more challenging role (while inwardly freaking out of course). This year I will be growing into that new role and no doubt there will be some more fights taking place against SELF DOUBT.
This year will be another NEW YEAR of growth and opportunities that I look forward too.
WHO KNOWS?
Perhaps I will be writing a blog about a special man that walked into my life and planted a smile on my face 😊😊😊😊
Only time will tell, life is about taking each day, embracing the day and not giving up!!!
Our fights are temporary.

This virus I am fighting has temporarily put me out of action but not enough that I can’t BLOG 😊.

Happy Wednesday !!!

 

Be easy on yourself #relax

Hello readers!
Some 15 months on into this new journey of mine I thought I would take some time out to write a short blog. While my life is on the up and up the new responsibilities I have keep me extra busy with work, study and life! There hasn’t been much time to write down my thoughts or experiences of late.
I’m not sure about you but I’ve often thought that perhaps by now my life would be all settled and sorted yet the truth is it isn’t. Yes, personally I am in a better place yet there are days in which I still find myself searching for answers. The search can take place in my mind. As I sit and go through the past 15 months with all the various experiences I question each stage and moment thinking about, what just happened? Is this real? Do I know where I am headed? Will my life fall into place that eventually I settle into this new space as comfortably as you do when you drop onto the lounge after a hard day at work and just relax?
My emotions go on the search at times seeking out comfort.
If you can imagine what sand looks like beneath the waves as it hits the shores my life resemblances that scene. Movement is happening regularly. Things are shifting and changing, still looking to settle into its rightful place. I’m no longer in the deep ocean feeling as though I am drowning it’s just a new location. It is a safer place but a changing space.
Work has been a constant change which has required a lot of growth on my part. From more hours to changes within the structure of how the company is doing things. I’m sort of surfing work now riding the waves and often dropping off the surf board trying to get back on.
You could say that I have also surfed a little in terms of new friendships figuring out which wave to catch and which one to continue surfing on.
AT the current moment it is all a ride which is constantly changing.
There have been times when I have given myself talks like a coach to a football team and told myself to sort it out already. That surely after 15 months I would be more knowledgeable of what is going on. That surely by now I would feel completely and truly settled into my new space.
The daily routine of life is settled and organised it is all the other stuff one deals with that is still shifting and changing.
Questions such as these can keep me occupied; so now that I am single what do I really want with my life? Will I settle into a new relationship with someone one day? How will I be able to do that with all the various concerns that can keep me at a distance?
After coming through a long-term marriage break up the last thing you want to do is be in a situation in which you are going to get hurt again.
You know why?
Hurt, hurts!!!!
As kids we are told to stay away from touching the stove yet at some point we touch that hot stove and never do it again. After a long term relationship it feels a little bit the same you don’t want to really do it again.
When these questions overtake my mind, I must keep reminding myself that there is no need to rush into anything with anybody. I am still healing, and things are all over the place in terms of emotions and just a general sense of trust in another human being. Trust is being developed on a gradual process within new friendships.
There are times in which I can’t even fathom how a person can commit to someone after they have been so broken and hurt from a previous relationship. Perhaps it takes years to break free of that fear?
OR perhaps it depends on who that new person is? Are they someone who understands your fears and mistrust and are willing to work with you at rebuilding it all over again. Do they care for you enough to have the patience to deal with all the insecurities you have so that a healthy relationship can develop over time?
I do believe it is all possible it is just a matter of time and healing … We can be our own worst critic expecting more results than can be possible within our time frames. When I get too hard on myself I consciously stop and say out loud that everything is going to be alright. That things will fall into place in all areas. That one day I will have a healthy meaningful relationship with someone special who will treat me the way I have always wanted to be treated. A man I can adore and respect with all my heart and a man who loves me in such a way that all my broken pieces suddenly fit together.
When life has knocked you around and you are still finding your feet don’t be too hard on yourself it will take time and patience for all of the pieces in your life to fall into their rightful place.

🙂