Category: Inspiration

Make it Count.

It is nearly 9am 31st December 2023 in Australia. We are on the verge of a fresh new year 2024.

I cannot help but think about how to make the new year count when I look back at the past year.

One of the biggest changes I had was in my work life.

The company I worked with for nearly 4 years lost their contract so we were all made redundant. The new company that was given the contract offered everyone to continue in their jobs. This is where I had an opportunity to make a change. There were aspects of my job that I loved which involved assisting people who had disabilities to gain employment. Then there were the dreaded KPI’s. Key performance indicators! Unrealistic, unhelpful carrot dangling exercises that were there to push you every month for results. No amount of pushing, pressure or techniques really made any difference. When working with people who have disabilities there are so many variables that need to be considered and sadly the industry I was working in doesnt truly take that into account.

Numbers, numbers and numbers. Push, push, and keep pushing. Never mind about the person in front of you that you are supposed to be assisting into a suitable job. Get those numbers coming in!

These unrealistic expectations (KPI’s) created intense pressure, competition between colleagues and toxicity. I tried my best to stay away from toxicity however it was around me most days. Staff shortages led to working on my own a lot and in the end it burnt me out on all ends. I put my heart and soul into each person that I was supporting and yet in the end I had to decide if it was the right job for me given the nature of how it works from the top down.

When we were all informed of the redundancy months prior I had started looking for opportunities and put my application forward for some positions away from what I was currently doing. I had made it onto a merit list with no guarantee of an actual job. ON the very last day of cleaning up the office that was closing down I was pushed to the brink of what I could handle. At that point I decided this is enough! I am not going to continue with the new company and sent in my resignation before I even started. I am not someone that takes risks to that extent. I had no guarantee of a new job I only knew that I couldn’t put myself through this any longer, my time was up! I sent in my resignation on the Thursday evening and Friday morning got a call from the employer that had me on a merit list asking to come in for an informal chat.

From Friday morning to Tuesday morning I waited to hear back. I got the call and was offered a position starting in a few weeks. I let go of the old to start with the new.

At the end of July I started in my new role in human resources a whole new role in a new environment. It has involved ALOT of learning on my end. It was not easy by any means however it was my stepping stone to leave another chapter behind and move forward. Toxicity is not allowed in my new work environment. I am protected from all sides. I am in a much better environment when it comes to work, health and safety. I don’t need to battle with mental mind games any longer. Work loads are monitored. You are taken care of as an employee.

I made my last year count by taking the risk, making the move.

Let’s see what the new year brings!

Wishing you all a very “Happy New Year”, all around the world.

Remember to take care of yourself and family.

Merry Christmas !

As I write these words Christmas has visited and left for another year. I’m late! A true example of time that does not stand still.

Hope you have all had a lovely Christmas this year. Each year it is a little different. The food and drinks dont change so much but we do. Who we are by the end of the year depends on how much we’ve grown. What we have experienced.

My year was big!

My year continued in recovery from thyroid gland removal. Definitely not easy. It has taken me determination to make it through days I would have rather been in bed due to fatigue. In the midst of the recovery I started a completely new job! Talk about mental overload. I have no idea how ive managed to get through it BUT I did!!!!

Sheer determination got me up each day. Some days were overwhelming and exhausting. Tears, frustration, fear, anxiety and discomfort.

Its incredible how as humans we continue each day with life despite the challenges. I reflect back on my year and I appreciate how I’ve got through it!

How was your year?

What did you overcome?

Feel free to share your experiences in the comments 😊

Negative + Positive = Life

Yesterday we watched the new Avatar Movie, 3 hours of non stop entertainment. Towards the end I started to reflect on life and its resemblance to movies. So many movies have the good guys and the bad guys. What would a movie be without that tension? You have the kind hearted souls that are family orientated trying their best to do all the right things and then on the other spectrum you have the evil doers who don’t care for doing the right thing only what serves their selfish purpose. With that thought in mind how similar does that sound to life?

There is the negatives and the positives!

Life tends to be consistently inconsistent. Life might finally be on track in the best possible way and yet something will challenge that happiness or that moment. Its as though humans are not allowed to bask in the glory of good times for too long. Eventually the negative will show up whether you like it or not. The negative can present itself in so many forms, it might be through people and their bad behaviours, health conditions, job challenges or financial difficulties. Sometimes the negative can become so overwhelming that it can be hard to remind yourself of all the positives in your life. The negative can ever so easily take over and start running the show.

In the past two weeks I had to navigate a BIG NEGATIVE. It was a diagnosis of thyroid cancer, it tossed me into such a mental and emotional spiral. It latched onto the trauma of losing my mum to cancer just over a year ago. It sent me to a place of worry and fear. Despite all the assurances I was given by the specialist and my Dr about the success of recovery via surgery I was not able to see that positive in the moment. I was too overcome with the negative. I had the surgery which was a success and then began my recovery. On one hand I was relieved after surgery and then on the other I was apprehensive knowing that I was still to find out the pathology results of the lymph nodes taken out of my neck which would determine if more treatment would be needed. Happy to report that I had my specialist appointment this Friday and he confirmed that the thyroid gland removal got rid of all the cancer, in fact there was an extra spot on the opposite side of my gland which wasn’t picked up originally. My lymph nodes came back clear which means no more treatment is required, only the hormone medication I will have to take for the rest of my life and some check ups to ensure I continue to stay on track with my health.

Having turned a positive corner with the thyroid saga all the negatives that were associated with that situation have started fading. Life is looking better again, I can breathe, sleep and move forward. I still have some recovery to do however it is so much nicer when you know that at the other end of this I will be back to a new normal minus my thyroid gland and the cancer.

Looking back on what happened with my health in the past few weeks I can see more positives then negatives. In the thick of it I found it very challenging to see the positives as I was too involved emotionally and mentally to see past what I was feeling and experiencing. The beauty about it is that my worries and fears didn’t dictate the outcomes, the outcomes have been great even though my mindset wasn’t.

The past couple of years has been the most challenging. The loss of my mum to cancer has been heart breaking and earth shattering. I’ve had people turn on me for no valid reason and have been made out to be a horrible human being in the midst of that terrible year. They would be the bad guys in my story who don’t care about anything or anyone but themselves. So many situations that I will never understand and yet I need to keep going, keep moving forward despite the loss and the pain.

I am going to keep being the good guy in my story, with all the negatives I wont let those situations or people turn me into a bad guy. It’s not worth it. I believe that Good always Wins in the end just as much as the positive over the negative.

Stay true to the good that is in you and don’t let the bad guys or bad situations win, you’ve got this!!!!

My word for the New Year is Thankfulness.

So much can happen in a two week period. Following a general check up of a nodule in my thyroid recently led me to a biopsy. IN all honestly I was not one slightly bit concerned. It had grown and standard procedure is to have a biopsy when in one year it went from 9mm to 12mm in size. I waited a week almost forgetting that I had the biopsy. At work one morning I noticed a missed call from the GP Reception asking to call back as the Dr wanted to see me the following day or at least by the end of that week to discuss the results. I rang back hesitantly reminding the receptionist that I had an appointment already booked with the Dr for the following week. I was told quite firmly that the Dr had requested to see me sooner. Slightly panicked I arranged an appointment for the end of the week as to consider going in the next morning seemed all to much in that moment. About an hour later I was unable to concentrate at work, I was suddenly frozen in fear as my mind went off racing down the track of our mum’s cancer journey. We had about a month earlier passed the one year mile stone of her passing. She left us too soon having gone through the unthinkable for about 8 months of treatments for a very aggressive blood cancer Lymphoma. Here in Australia when we have a procedure such as an ultrasound or biopsy we can go online with the company that performed it and check the results. You guessed it, I couldn’t wait till the end of the week so I decided to go online into the portal and have a look at the results. The word Carcinoma caught my attention immediately and I went into a meltdown. My manager at work encouraged me to ring the Dr reception back and ask to be seen in the morning rather then the end of the week. I reluctantly called and changed the appointment. My husband changed his work schedule so that he could be with me.

That following morning I found myself sitting with my GP and my husband in a state of numbness hearing the diagnosis of thyroid cancer. The GP reassured me that if you are going to get cancer this is the best one to get as it is treatable with surgery. It has a high success rate at 98%. From numbness I went into internal panic again and an overwhelming sense of shock. AT that time no reassurance was helping me, the word Cancer shock me to my core as that is what led to my mum to leaving us so soon. I found myself connecting back to my mum’s journey, thinking about how she would have felt on that terrible day she received her diagnosis being told she only had 3 months to live without treatment. My GP got on the phone straight away to organise an appointment with a specialist. There were two choices of specialists and the best surgeon in thyroid cancer called the following morning with an appointment for the end of the week. At the specialist appointment surgery was the main focus of conversation and a discussion about the treatments available should the cancer have spread to my lymph nodes in my neck. The surgeon confirmed that a full thyroid gland removal would take place with some lymph nodes taken out as well to be biopsied for further analysis to determine if an iodine treatment would be required following surgery to kill off any other unwanted cancer cells. IN that initial consult I was advised that there was an opportunity to have the surgery on the 22nd December rather then wait until 12th January 2023. I asked them to give me the weekend to consider that option as I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with Christmas so close. I was panicked. Overwhelmed with so many worries and concerns. Bad enough to hear the word Cancer to then be confronted with the idea of surgery on my neck. After having gone through all the trauma with my mum the process of everything unfolding gripped me with such fear at each step. Its crazy how our brains revert back to trauma.

Saturday morning I decided I would go with the earlier date of next week for surgery, how could I possibly last till about the middle of January in this state of mental attack. First thing Monday the surgeon was contacted and my husband booked me in for the 22nd December. I rearranged my work so that I could work from home until the Wednesday being the day before surgery. Work was a great distraction for those 3 days. Sleep was impossible so I was wrecked by the time I went in for surgery. Walking into the hospital I was calmer then when at home. It took some time waiting until they were ready to perform the surgery that day. Then all of a sudden a wards men came into the room to take me in and the nerves hit me again, waves of anxiety, fear and dread. I was shaking from head to toe. The anaesthetist came in to see me and then decided that it would be worthwhile to give me some anti anxiety medication to ease me into the operation. That definitely helped as I recall being wheeled into a massive operating theatre telling all of the staff I would buy them a Christmas Present while thanking them for what they were about to do in getting me better. Off I went into a land of nothingness while the surgeon performed the operation of taking out my whole thyroid gland.

I awoke in a panic at first thinking there had been complications (drug brain) and was then told it all went really well and that surgery was over. It took me hours to become coherent from all of the drugs. Eventually I was in ICU recovering. I couldn’t believe I survived the ordeal as it was such a mountain in my mind to go through surgery. Surgery to me was as fearful as someone telling me I had to bungy jump backwards from a high bridge or sky dive out of a plane. All of which don’t appeal to me even the slightest. I was in hospital that first night and the Dr agreed the following day that I could go home that night seeing as I was doing so well which was the 23rd December. Our Christmas was on the 24th December so that was perfect. It was amazing to be home in my own bed however I can’t say that I felt wonderful. I was feeling quite unwell, exhausted to say the least and on the day of our Christmas doubted that I could even go to my sisters and celebrate. I was in bed all day trying to get my energy levels up. In preparation for Christmas I asked my husband to go into the spare room and find some empty Christmas Cards that I could write on and as I was looking through the cards suddenly a Christmas Card from my mum was in the pile. It was her very last Christmas Card to myself, husband and children. Christmas 2020. I sat there overwhelmed with tears as it felt as though the card had made its way to me from my mum to say Merry Christmas regardless of when it was dated. The fact that it made its way to me was in my mind a miracle. Surprisingly after resting all day I felt well enough to celebrate Christmas with my family even though I wasn’t my best self. My husband and I celebrated New Years Eve very simply at home as my energy levels were not great.

It’s ever so easy to go into all sorts of places mentally/emotionally when situations take us by surprise. My follow up with the specialist is this Friday and I will find out if I need any further treatment, secretly hoping the surgery was enough of course. While this experience in the past few weeks has been one of the toughest for me personally I have decided to be THANKFUL that the Cancer was found and removed. Rather then focus on the fact that my holiday wasn’t what I had hoped it was going to be this year it has all worked out and the timing couldn’t be better for recovery before I return back to work on the 9th January.

What I have learnt personally this year is:

  • Don’t put off medical appointments and keep up with check ups.
  • I do have the strength to go through really challenging situations and they don’t need to turn out terrible.
  • Stay calm and remain thankful.
  • I have a new appreciation for people that go through far worse health situations.
  • It’s ok to be scared and fearful, they are just emotions we feel but they won’t dictate the outcomes.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023 !!!!!

Prior to Surgery waiting patiently…….
The day after surgery 23rd December 2022