Recently I sat at our favourite ice cream shop in the city observing all the various groups of people and thinking about what they might be celebrating or what they may be going through in their lives. It has sort of evolved into a bit of a habit for me now that even my kids can tell when I am in that mode and ask me what I am looking at? Happily enjoying my ice cream I spotted a group of young females and males and noticed how attractive they all were and really well dressed.
Then my brain suddenly had a flash back of what it used to be like when I needed to get ready to go out somewhere. I remembered the utter frustration I would feel at trying to look good. It was the wonderful 80’s and you just had to have bigger hair basically anything that resembled a bird’s nest! For me that was my fringe. I would tease that thing till it was knotted up and then spray it with plenty of hairspray just to make sure my signature hairdo would not fall apart.
It was completely unthinkable to have a straight fringe let alone walk out of the house with one. After I had spent a considerable amount of time deciding what I should wear I would carefully select the ear rings that had to always match my outfits. I guess you would think I was a bit of a perfectionist. There was nothing wrong with making an effort to look good except it didn’t matter how long I took it didn’t change how I felt about myself. Even if I had professionals doing my hair and makeup I would still have felt undone.
The worst part about taking so long to get ready was the horrible mood that took over which made going out so undesirable. When you are going out there is of course the significant other who is also waiting and guys usually don’t like to be kept for two hours. Obviously if one was going out on a special occasion it may require more time to get ready yet for me it was just the everyday trips to the mall. Arrrrgh it was such a prison!!! I am most certain that even if by some chance I would have had all the latest and greatest clothes of that time I still would have been miserable with myself. Low self-esteem ruled me.
To deal with low self-esteem it requires firstly the desire to be free. Once you realise that you have a serious problem and it is ruling your life and your relationships then you can start looking at the areas in your heart that need healing in order to move forward from that place. It was not a one day process for me. It actually has been years of journeying through and dealing with issues on a regular basis. I can say today with a confident heart that as I started dealing with issues my inside life began to turn around. The lies that I had believed about myself were starting to lose their power over me. Hurts can take years to build up when they are not dealt with so the reality is it will take some time to work through them to let them go. Don’t beat yourself up if you can only manage one step forward. The very first step and the most important one I needed to take was one of ‘forgiveness’.