Once Upon a Time I lived as The Queen of Quit
The Queen of quit used to be my name. I love the title as it describes me so well at various times of my life. I lived as a Queen in charge over a kingdom full of excuses.
My life revolved around mastering the art of quitting by using these excuses!
You could say that my mastery of learning to quit began at school when I was very young. I did not have the ability to speak the English language. This meant that when I started going to school I was unable to communicate with other kids or with the teachers. It was a very difficult time for me. Obviously young school aged kids would have wondered what was wrong with me at my lack of talking. I suppose they tried to get something out of me by teasing me? The location of the school was in a convenient place only a small walk across a field from home. There were several occasions in which I decided that being at school was just too hard so I escaped and ran to my safe haven! School scared me on most days as I was confronted by kids that I could not understand, however, I knew when they were making fun of me. My mum was met with much resistance from me on those days when she walked me back to school.
Eventually I picked up on the language and was able to manage better at school, however I still hated school. School made me feel uncomfortable. I would have preferred to just stay at home where it felt safer. School requires you to participate in activities such as sport or musicals. Occasionally one would be asked to stand up in front of the class and talk. Anything that required me to come out of hiding put me on edge. Anxiety and worry was my middle name. I feared being singled out and having the possibility of being made fun of again. This ensured that my choice in activities was always very limited and safe.
In the midst of the hiding I longed and ached to live freely. Like most kids I had dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up. These dreams shifted between being a famous roller skater to a dancer. I loved dancing in the backyard of our family home. Looking back on those days perhaps those dreams shared a common theme. A theme of expressing oneself freely!
Once I moved into adulthood the art of quitting continued. It surprises me to this day how I didn’t get sacked from job positions when I consider how many days off I took! If I woke up in the wrong mood or felt unable to go to work then I would call in sick. Living by my feelings was also another hindrance.
Then I got married! There is probably hundreds of blogs I could write about marriage. Marrying someone guarantees change, especially when the person you marry is of an opposite personality to yourself. Not only is my husband the complete opposite of me, he too had a lot of emotional baggage. Our marriage was a war zone for the first year. We clashed so much. If ever there was an opportunity to quit it would have been then. However, something in both of us kept us going and we have been walking and working through issues for years.
Having a baby began to change the lack of discipline that I had. A bad mood was no longer an excuse as there was no option but to get up and look after the baby. Babies tend to get your attention and they most certainly will not quit until you meet their need. Please note that I am not saying to go and have babies to solve a discipline problem 🙂 it just so happens that getting married and having children began to move me into action. All in all I have had five amazing children.
Resistance in life is familiar to me. If it wasn’t the resistance that I felt about myself then it was the resistance of circumstances that have tried me to the maximum. There are too many stories to share on this particular blog to give you an understanding of some of the trials that life has bought my way. Let’s just say having walked through those trials has made me a stronger person. My circumstances may not be as ideal as I would have hoped for yet persistence has taken over where quitting used to live.
Quitting always sounds like a good option when faced with resistance. The trouble is when you quit you are giving up on the future that is waiting for you. Your future purpose may take longer than you expect yet it will happen at the right time. It has taken me years to grow and become determined to resist the urge to quit.
Never would I have dreamed that it could be possible for me to undertake studying for a bachelor in psychology. My grades in school were very average and in some subjects below average. University was not even a consideration! Having completed 9 units out of 24 with good grades has changed my perspective. Sometimes you need to succeed in something so that you can turn your thinking from failure to success. What is the worst that can happen if something doesn’t go to plan? If you never give it a shot you have no idea what you are capable of!
We are not always met with success however it is only in hardship we grow the most. Your character is built during the hard times. It is that character that will keep you grounded when the good times arrive.
I had a name change and now live as the Queen of Persistence!!!!