Eight and a half years on from when I walked out with my then nine year old son life has continued to move forward. With the new year around the corner it is only natural to think about the past, what has been successful, what has been a failure, what has been challenging, sad or difficult. IN all seriousness it doesn’t matter who we are, where we have come from there will always be something we need to deal with and it isn’t always easy.

It truly feels like forever since I wrote a blog that had any meaning. IN fact sometimes I think I am not writing as much as life has generally been pretty good considering my past. I had so much to write about before. OR perhaps it is that my life is so busy with fulltime work I find it hard to gather my thoughts to put them down on this format for it to make any sense ?

It is time that I write again and I feel as though I have already gotten off track! The point of this topic today is about healing.

Healing takes time and we often forget that. Healing happens in stages, at least it has for myself. It has layers and it needs us to participate. To the level of our involvement depends on the depth of our healing. How much do you want to heal?

Healing happens in several different ways. IN the past eight and half years I have been working through layers of damage. Uncovering pain, distrust, disappointment, betrayal, emotional abuse, neglect and heart break. There have been times during this process that I have been brave enough to uncover areas in my heart/mind that go down deep. Other methods of uncovering have happened not of my choosing. They have been those interactions with others that have triggered me internally bringing with it a large amount of discomfort. Times where I have wanted to run from the pain.

Emotional abuse is destructive. It scars you on the inside, takes away your confidence, gets you to second guess most things you say and do. You are on alert every day waiting for something to go wrong. It can be hard work!!! We can’t avoid others. During this last year and half I have had many opportunities to run or face my worst fears. I probably choose both options at different times.

What does facing my worst fears mean? for myself it is about having that difficult conversation with someone that has triggered me. I have had several opportunities with someone that reminded me of how it felt to be treated poorly in my first marriage. The way they spoke to me or how I felt treated was a big red flag waving in front of my face. I wanted to run. I decided to face it and sat down with the person to discuss the situation that had occurred and how it had made me feel all while shaking on the inside as it was so terrifying to me. I was expecting the worst reaction from them as that was always my experience prior. Their reaction was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, they apologised for making me feel that way and made an effort to not put me in that situation. I walked away from work that day and thought, hey perhaps this was an opportunity to heal and get brave at speaking up for myself.

In all reality it didn’t matter that day whether the other person truly took that onboard, however it was an exercise for me in practising self respect. Speaking up in situations where I feel put down or made to feel less then I am. Each time that I have faced that fear and dealt with the situation I have grown. It may not be apparent immediately however I notice eventually when in another situation how much easier I can deal with it! This gives me hope to continue facing situations as it does bring healing. We all need it! Opportunities where we feel safe to speak, where we are heard and understood.

Healing also means walking away from that person who doesn’t respect you. We all have those people in our lives. Those types of people are only out for themselves and don’t want to acknowledge their own behaviour. They will expect only top tier behaviour from you. It is one sided and useless. I decided that it doesn’t matter who the person is in my life anyone that makes me feel less than, disrespected I will walk away. I don’t need to babysit others. We all have choices. We can all choose to be respectful and treat others how we would like to be treated.

I am looking forward to 2025 and all it will bring. Every year forward is another year of healing and being the person I was originally designed to be.

Happy New Year to you and your family 🙂