Setbacks can be circumstantial, or a part of a recovery process. When we experience setbacks in our circumstances we can become frustrated. As an example we may be traveling well in our finances satisfied that our savings are on the increase as opposed to decreasing. Then unexpectedly a situation occurs in which those savings must be accessed due to an unforeseen expenditure. Suddenly we feel as though we are going backward as there are no savings left. With every good intention of saving some dollars for the future we are faced with having to start saving again.
Good intentions don’t prevent setbacks.
We may be recovering from something physical such as a broken bone or a debilitating illness. The future is looking bright however another setback occurs!
Setbacks can leave us feeling disappointed or confused. Especially when hopeful that life was looking up, finally…..
Life often resembles one step forward and ten steps back.
Most of humanity would agree that moving forward is always so much better and natural, who likes to take steps backward?
Why would anyone in their right mind want to revisit the past especially when the intention was to move forward, to a better place.
The reality is that we all recover at different speeds.
For broken bones to heal often times surgery is required as the fracture is quite bad and needs extra assistance for recovery.
Then we have our emotions and feelings.
Dependent upon what we have gone through in our life experience, the recovery time can vary.
There are a myriad of situations that can happen to an individual however I’m going to talk about my experience for a moment as I’m speaking from a current, passionate and open heart.
If you have been following my blogs over the past 9 months or so you would have read about some of my own personal struggles in terms of marriage break up and the unhealthy relationship that I struggled through which finally ended.
Unless you have been in an unhealthy emotionally/psychologically damaging relationship it can be quite hard to grasp the impact it has on a person. The impact goes deep and challenges a person on so many levels.
The wrestling that goes on in your mind at times can be overwhelming. The longer you have lived with someone in a relationship in which you were programmed to mistrust others including yourself the harder it is to overcome.
Trusting one’s own judgement or the lack thereof is what keeps a person in an unhealthy emotionally damaging relationship. It took me years to find out that in fact it was NOT NORMAL to be in such a struggle. Having had my eyes opened to the reality that the relationship was in fact unhealthy and was never going to change has moved me on to a brighter future with every good intention of not going through the same experience again.
There is much unraveling to do on my part emotionally speaking. Everything that I learned in order to cope I need to unlearn.
I have to learn that it is OK to speak about my feelings, fears and thoughts. That even though I was in a marriage in which speaking about my feelings usually resulted in world war III that it was not my fault. Every human has a right to talk about their feelings.
My feelings were mostly irrelevant and portrayed as something which was a fault that I carried. I was made to believe my feelings I experienced at various times were something I needed to put a stop too. The trouble was that the other party was always doing or saying things that hurt my feelings.
Unless you are someone with absolutely no feelings at all you cannot expect to stop hurting when someone hurts you. It’s as ridiculous as believing if someone hits you that you are not allowed to hurt!
It is the hurting that lets us know something is in fact wrong!!!
Our bodies are wired that way. Our bodies tell us when we feel pain that something is wrong and that we need to tend to it.
Emotional pain is no different.
On this journey that I have been on I’ve experienced myself overcoming and moving away from the ways in which I previously had to cope. In saying that though there have been times of setback!
I’ve been revisiting various emotions at different stages. Certain situations can trigger me back to those places. Suddenly I may find myself back in that place of mistrust, unsure if my own judgement is correct or whether other people can be trusted. I may find myself scrutinizing situations far more than another person would.
Why? Simply because I’m determined not to go through the same experience I have come away from.
Everything within me wishes that I didn’t need to be so fragile or sensitive.
The trouble is that when you have been hurt to such a depth and treated very poorly for a long time the journey to recovery can be long and require a lot from you.
Situations that look anything similar to what you have come away from can have you shaking in your boots for fear of going through it again. It may be just one word, phrase or body language.
The only way through, is THROUGH!
As scary as it is with all the setbacks and fears the only option to recovery is moving forward despite every battle you face in your mind. The recovery may take longer than anticipated however it will come.
I’m not out of the woods yet.
I’m aware that there will possibly be many moments in the future I will need to face my fears and overcome those mind games that start replaying and repeating previous scenarios I have been through.
Trust the process.
Look for the small wins!
Be kind to yourself and others while you are in the process of healing.
Don’t despair if you find yourself setback for a moment you will eventually move forward regaining more ground and eventually becoming the person you always knew you were.